


Location Unknown

by Deufos42



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alpha Kim Woojin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Character Development, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hannah is my angel and I will protect her at all costs, I had repeated Nayeon's name before my bad, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jeongyeon Dahyun Jihyo and Nayeon are just mentioned, M/M, Male Friendship, Mating Bites, Mpreg, Omega Bang Chan, Pack Bonding, Pack Family, Slice of Life, Suicide Attempt, but not exactly in the traditional way, i think, implicit asexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deufos42/pseuds/Deufos42
Summary: Christopher knew he was independent, always striving to build his life based on self-knowledge and individual growth, but there was still a step he hadn't taken to become completely satisfied with his own choices. Woojin, on the other hand, considered himself satisfied with the life he had, living with his pack at the age he was in until he realized that his reality was unstable and could be lost by something so glorified in the society in which he grew up.In both cases, loneliness could sometimes not be fulfilled by will alone, whether it was a choice or a consequence.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't like abo, but I really like this fanfic (despite being in doubt about it translated). The suggestion to do an abo came from a friend so that I could overcome this discomfort I feel for the topic and I did my best. As it's already finished I must post at a much more acceptable pace than I do with my other stories.  
> I believe that the tags warn about some topics by themselves, but I will try to make sure to warn y'all about certain tw in each chapter.  
> English isn't my first language, I'm sorry for any mistakes. 
> 
> T.W.: Self-harm

**❝** _Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?_ **❞**

**\-- ☾** **\--**

**H** e closed the door with a soft click, staying a few seconds with his hand on the doorknob while the other held the clutter of files with words that he knew would take a little longer to understand by himself; but the doctor had made a point of explaining things that she considered essential, avoiding all the bureaucracy behind the decision Christopher had made. Or at least thought about it more seriously than he used to do most of the time, the certainty was still relative when a lot could be considered around the same situation.

It wasn't the same as eating pizza or hamburgers on Friday night, watching a romance or a comedy at the cinema, changing the sheets for cotton or linen. All of that could be undone with the snap of a finger, a canceled purchase, a theater on Wednesday afternoon, or a mattress covered only with the comforter. Once he wanted to generate a child, it would accompany him for the rest of his life and he didn't know how prepared he really was. The proof of life for the possibility of becoming a father came with practice and his theory was just a way of padding his shoulders when he needed to carry the cross.

He walked away, this time picking up the documents with both hands as he walked down the aisles, passing the sheets superficially while being held by a single clip. Christopher still needed some exams, things that were much more preparatory and routine than invasive - and he had already gone through a lot of that type, preventing the same discomfort caused by his parents about his unusual condition. And no, he didn't blame them directly for anything that accumulated in mild trauma and constant physical pain. Now he understood that it had always been something much greater to allow himself to pour all his frustrations on those who wished him the best.

Stopping on the more identity paper, Christopher pursed his lips as he observed the scratch on the pen that marked his gender below his name, and it was no longer so strange not to have the alpha as an automatic wedge. He had no problem being an omega now, nor had he ever started from the premise that he had been “cheated” until he was able to change the documents. It was a common mistake, from what Nayeon had explained to him during therapy sessions, especially when his case was so rare in a universe full of little rules. Christopher might as well have adapted to the beta idea, but for some reason, he wanted to feel fixed. Freedom had always been very comprehensive for those who liked stability.

He sat down on one of the chairs at the end of the same floor, crossing his legs as he rested on his thighs what he held, still maintaining his streak of observation about himself and what he wanted. Was he prepared to carry a child in his own belly? Maybe not. It still seemed like a strange idea, probably because he had been brought up in the designs of an alpha and alphas had no children. In fact, alphas didn't have a uterus and by the way, Christopher just wasn't an alpha because of this little physical sign that never really hindered him at all. But neither could he be an omega if he took into account that he didn't have so many characteristics of this gender. Externally, he was like any other alpha, only his medical report was able to say that he was neither one nor the other.

Christopher slid his hips forward a little, supporting his back and instinctively putting his hand on his belly, feeling each wave of his abdomen under the cotton shirt. Imagining a child there, moving under his skin, was scary. Not so much, but still a lot of doubts made him question why he had just gone after the mere possibility of becoming a father. Alone, which didn't help much. He had a relatively sustainable job and time to devote himself to creating a pack - and the biggest idea, from the beginning, was procreation, right? - but something was still missing that he didn't know where to point. He was saturated with knowing omegas whose babies didn't have an alpha, so he ruled out that loneliness was a problem.

Regardless of how much he broke his head behind the hole in his sentence, he couldn't come to any conclusion there, no matter how quiet the corridor was to think about life - what better environment to appreciate what he had if not where you could easily lose everything? - but that hadn't really been the fact that interrupted Christopher in his quest to name everything he felt. The space he was in wasn't so busy and he didn't know exactly which ward it was reserved for, but he followed with his eyes when the nurse came out accompanied by an alpha, who looked around his age, wearing light yellowish clothes and his arm wrapped in bands so that it was impossible to move a single finger. He looked wobbly, still quite conscious, indifferent to it, walking with more dragged steps suggesting that the problem was bigger than Christopher was able to see. Although he didn't know what it was, either.

The nurse, whom he knew only by sight, walked with her patient a few inches taller and apparently heavier in his direction, trying to simply drop him on one of the chairs hoping that he could straighten up himself if he could. Christopher didn't quite believe in that possibility and would have offered help if it hadn't happened in just under two minutes.

"Don't get out of here," the omega warned, expressionlessly slapping her hands on her own uniform to smooth it out by the pressure of the patient. "Doctor Kang will be here any minute."

Just as it had appeared, she disappeared down the stairs to his left, leaving Christopher in the company of the alpha who moved his head in the direction followed by the nurse and stopped his lazy eyes on him seconds later. He didn't quite know how to act in those circumstances. Not that the other seemed to be sufficiently attentive to everything to be capable of even wanted to have a possible conversation, but neither did he seem so out of his body taking into account the clear message given seconds ago. In order for him to understand it was necessary to at least listen and assimilate, things normally done consciously.

"It looks pretty bad, doesn't it?" He hadn't been the one to break the silence, as the alpha took the initiative by trampling his curiosity, already deducing it on his own. Yes, it looked horrible, even though Christopher didn't exactly know the context behind that scenario.

"A little bit."

“Do you mind getting me a cup of water? I don't think I can get out of here. ”

It was a simple request, which Christopher had no problem accepting. He left his papers on the seat next to them, facing down just in case, before getting up towards the water fountain not far away. He half-filled the plastic cup and returned, placing it carefully over the alpha's left hand until he realized that he had some trouble keeping his wrist steadier. Christopher ended up surrendering on impulse when he put his hand below his, keeping the cup with more stability yields to the other's lips and thus preventing what could be a catastrophe. The nurse, before getting rid of the alpha, doesn't seemed very happy to Christopher give another extra reason for her discontent.

"Thank you" He thanked when Christopher moved away, leaving the empty object on the floor near his feet.

"It's all right." The omega smiled small, returning to his seat.

It was a matter of time before they resumed silence, Christopher retrieving his papers and trying to continue his analysis of where he had left off - but he was unable to concentrate as well as he wished, now and then his attention was drawn to the alpha that barely moved in its own space. His eyes were still open, he could tell, staring at the white ceiling with his relatively neutral expression. No pain, no tiredness, no enthusiasm too, which was understandable. Christopher needed more information to judge the first question asked by his newest company, so he didn't put a barrier to his curiosity when he just let the words escape.

"What happened?" He lowered the papers, settling them again on his thighs in which he received the interest of the other in his words. It was just the two of them there after all.

"A lot of things." The alpha moved his head towards the bandaged arm, still a little apathetic, as if analyzing at the bottom of his memory how he got there. His next answer didn't seem to fit in with the doubtful expression that his furrowed brow hinted not long after. "I burned my arm and hand."

"Doesn't hurt?"

"No."

Christopher looked at the other a little worried, even though he didn't know him to be able to foster such empathy. It could have been an accident, he had already been burned a few times, even though it was nothing as serious as it seemed to the alpha. So many stories behind a single event, in which perhaps it was the medication that was making the alpha so calm in the face of the possibility of a drastic situation. Christopher ended up staring at his own hand for a while, trying to imagine what could have led him to that. People were unpredictable, he should know by now that he could be as right about them as they were wrong about him.

"I made it."

He moved his head towards the alpha, realizing that he no longer seemed to be redirecting to himself. He had resumed his interest in the ceiling, the lights dimmed, allowing greater light to enter through the windows at the ends of the corridor. Christopher was uncomfortably interested. He was in a hospital, of course, he was exposed to situations that were naturally not very positive, but he found himself ignoring the fact that being there also meant redemption. The alpha could have done that to himself, but there was a factor behind it that wasn't the genuine desire to die, although it could have been his destiny.

"Did you ... put your arm on fire?" He chose to ask, making sure the care in his tender voice, turning judgment away from something he didn't understand.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Again, the frown indicated that he might not know or remember, but it also showed that it was a very shallow assumption for someone so full of layers. It was clear that the feelings were confused behind the brown eyes and that those uncontrollable grimaces could be just a way of trying to align them with the most recent event. It looked like a traumatic situation in itself. Christopher wasn't the most resistant person to pain and imagining what it must have been like to lose sensation in that way gave chills to even the most capable of doctors.

"My name is Woojin." Of course, he didn't expect an answer to such an invasive question and therefore chose not to insist. Woojin needed no further interrogation to ease the conscience of a mere stranger.

"Christopher."

"You aren't from here?"

The question came too quickly for those on sedatives and it was difficult for the omega to control an involuntary smile with Woojin's almost childishly enthusiastic expression. As if he had never met a foreigner in his life - but Christopher had lived in the area long enough to consider himself a native. Directly or indirectly he was, in fact, just not using his oriental name as much as he liked the way they pronounced the name he grew up hearing more often.

"Theoretically I am."

"So why is your name different?"

"I grew up in Australia and saw no need to correct anyone when I moved here again."

There was something about the local pronunciation that made life a little funnier and Christopher liked to introduce himself by highlighting his accent. It was like showing the world that you were different for reasons far more innocent than your anatomy. There was so much more to be explored from him than the possibility of being able to generate a child or mark his gender in any report contrary to what everyone expected. He found himself a person relatively interesting if someone asked.

"Wow." Woojin murmured softly, in a prolonged manner. "I wish I could get out of here."

"And where would you go?"

“Australia seems a good place. I like your accent. ”

He wondered if Woojin had realized this before or after he highlighted his past, but it ended up being irrelevant when the sudden praise made him feel a little cold in his belly and an urge to smile even more. He turned the body a bit towards the alpha, still keeping one chair away from him, in which he abandoned the papers again. He wouldn't even be able to think much of them now that he had captured the other's attention with his movement, with the alpha's head propped on the wall and any gesture halved in speed.

“You don't look sick to me. Or injured. ” Woojin was an observer, even though Christopher wasn't hiding anything that needed dramatic revelation to the sound of drummings. "Why are you here?"

"Routine examination."

"Aren't you in the wrong place?" The alpha looked around, trying to understand his location in the building before Christopher's laughter caught him again.

"I was at the end of the corridor, I just stopped to be able to analyze the results better and happened to be the nearest chair." He placed his palm on the pile of paper, with gentle pats that echoed through the environment a little more sharply.

"And how did it go?"

"Good?" Christopher laughed nervously to himself, perhaps because of the uncertainty of the exams specifically for what they were redirected to. His health, in general, was impeccable. Everything in its proper place, as it should be, but still not enough to carry a healthy and risk-free child in his belly. "It's relative."

"To what?"

"As a whole, I am very well."

Woojin had gotten the message, although with a little more time to process that Christopher didn't seem comfortable talking about it, so he nodded before sliding his body over the bench and stretching his legs along the way. The silence was a little more unpleasant this time and the omega tried not to blame himself for that, after all, he had every right not to want to explain his fertile life to anyone. Although this stranger has a face, a name, and a curious reason to be there. As much as Woojin didn't want to talk about his problems, Christopher also thought it a good idea to keep certain details to himself.

The minutes felt like hours. The intensity of the sun had decreased and the artificial lights started to dominate the environment, giving a much less accommodating characteristic - Christopher saw the change as a signal to follow his path. He still had clothes to wash, a dog to feed, and extra time breaking his head over the same repetitive subjects before going to sleep. Life didn't stop, even with the feeling that he should stay a little longer. He had no answer as to why.

He stood up, aware of the movement of the eyes behind his back, following every brief gesture he made to collect his papers and arrange them in one arm. He wondered for a moment, when he looked at the alpha in the same position, if he would be okay. He concluded that it was none of his business and there was no reason to settle any further concerns if he was already so full of them.

"I have to go." His voice came smaller, a little more vulnerable. For a while he didn't move, trying to understand what was happening to the other now that the tranquilizers seemed to have less effect, but he couldn't say for sure, nothing was more than an impression.

Woojin blinked slowly, still with nothing to say when Christopher took two steps back, walking toward the stairs in slowed steps. Unlike everyone Woojin had seen through the room window, in and out in a thousand, he was a small exception of calm. Light and painless. Woojin pursed his lips before murmuring to himself for him to be careful. The world was cruel with moments of peace.

**\-- ☾** **\--**

"I think you would be an incredible father."

The omega wrapped the fabric in the palm of her hands, throwing it in the basket anyway while repeating the same process with each of the following pieces, leaving Christopher to separate them before carefully folding pants and blouses in order. Unlike Hannah, he was in no hurry and made everything aware of the movement inside the laundry that wouldn't so soon require moving the front of the machines in operation. For now, looking around, he couldn't see more than three small packs and some people possibly unconnected with each other.

"Because...?" He asked after a while, placing the clothes already folded in a specific corner of the basket, where Hannah wouldn't be able to reach by throwing the t-shirts.

"To start with, you wash your clothes better than Mom." The omega opened one of the white blouses, impeccably clean and with a particular smell of roses that Christopher never thought would last long enough. By the end of the day, they ended up smelling of his own skin, a mixture of mint and citrus fruits. "The last time she washed something white, it came back in the best _tie-dye_ style"

"One thing has nothing to do with the other."

Christopher laughed quietly, watching his sister leave the previous position in front of the machine, leaving the door properly open indicating the availability as they walked down the small corridor to the most remote parts of the laundry. From there, he would finish folding his clothes and putting them in the bags, his day with the youngest being practically ended when he took her home. But Hannah didn't seem to want to go back, and Christopher didn't know if he wanted to be alone for now. It had been three months since he took the initiative to start the treatment needed to get pregnant and everything was sounding a little too much. The paranoias that had existed before had tripled and there were far more insecurities than certainties. It didn't seem like a positive scenario under any circumstances, and Hannah was perceptive enough to notice that Christopher often seemed lost in reality.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Hannah asked, removing the piece from the other's hand that he had been holding for a few seconds without looking like capable of finishing to fold it. “Mom wouldn't mind starting dinner without me. Besides, it's a good way for Lucas to learn to at least fry an egg. ”

"I didn't know how to do a lot of things at his age either."

"Argh, that was a million years ago, Chris." Hannah rolled her eyes and smiled at her brother's dimples, reaching her goal of getting him out of that spiral of doubt even for a few seconds. "At that time, you still needed to learn how to make fire from stones."

"I think there already had coal, at least."

Joining the fun and relieving the serious direction the conversation might have taken didn't necessarily rule out Hannah's invitation to accompany the other in another frequent visit to the same hospital, almost always on the same days - Christopher had a routine and every day it was meant for something. As open as he was to new experiences, he still preferred the calm of knowing what to do and how to do it, eventually explaining much of his hesitation in making decisions that would completely change what he had already built. It was so easy to collapse something that took a long time to mold, like building a house of cards for hours to see it being knocked down by the wind that came in through the window, having forgotten to close it hours ago when it still didn't threaten to rain.

The world was unpredictable and it was difficult to say if he was doing accordingly. Sometimes he tended to contradict himself, thinking that loneliness was enlightening, but also a martyr. Christopher had been an adult for a long time to say that everything was variable and that what he felt now wouldn't be the same as he would have felt there ten minutes, days or years ago. His bases were true only for the moment when his feet touched the ground. When he moved, his beliefs would change and he would be a different person every second. While Hannah helped him put the clothes in separate bags, he couldn't ignore the idea that soon he would have to separate them by size too. From his own to that so small and delicate from his child.

"Have you thought about what name you will give to the baby?"

Hannah opened the door with one shoulder, giving space for Christopher to step out, balancing the bags on one arm and feeling the pockets with the opposite hand. He found the keys on the inside of his jacket, crossing the parking lot until the white pallio 2015, that at the time had left his university-student-self happy at a good price. Christopher wasn't currently thinking of changing it. He saw no need for an expense that he considered unnecessary if it fulfilled all of its factory duties and if it was eventually going to give his son the same comfort that would allow him to stay in the car for a few seconds, just to wait for the music in the radio to end or to feel the air conditioning cools the seats on very hot days. He carefully put his clothes on the back, avoiding the trunk, closing the door again after also storing what Hannah still had with her.

He sighed, reflexively rubbing one hand against the other. The late afternoon gave chills and a strange feeling of comfort at the same time. Perhaps it had something to do with the feeling of accomplishment, even though he didn't necessarily do that much besides the tasks of those who lived alone most of the time.

"Hm" He felt his vocal cords vibrate, finally leaving the inertia to occupy the driver's seat in which Hannah dodged to the passenger side. "I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet."

"Can I choose if the baby born an omega?"

"It's a child, not a dog."

"Glad you think so, I was afraid to see you name your baby Berry."

"Argh, stop, you're just being mean now" Christopher laughed, carefully starting the car so that it drifted smoothly down the small ramp that would take him back to the barely busy street.

Time sometimes passed too quickly. Hannah was right to question his plans, even if indirectly. Christopher hadn't thought of names, what he would teach the child as a parent, or what school he would like it to study. He didn't think if he would need a nanny or some books when he had to deal with a newborn alone - and as much as he had accompanied his own siblings' birth, in both cases he was just a child. Today Hannah was twenty-one and any memory Christopher had of holding her in his arms was from photographs that his parents kept in a box at the bottom of the wardrobe.

When he left his sister at home, rejecting her company for the rest of the day, it was purely because all that conversation had led Christopher to a late conclusion. A few months later, whatever the problem was, it would be his sole responsibility. Just as he had built his career, paid every penny for his house and learned that every little life matters when he replanted the garden, his baby would be his priority and he shouldn't depend so much on the image of the pack that lived well without having to resort to his uncles and grandparents. He wanted that feeling of having finally reached the limit of what his own achievements could be. His definitive emancipation - although that didn't mean severing ties completely tied with anyone, obviously not, his relationship with those who had still allowed him to become what he was ended up being implied.

He arrived at the hospital at half-past five when the sky was already filled with colored clouds and the parking lot was partially occupied by those who would spend the whole night with the members of their respective packs. He turned on the car alarm and adjusted his wallet in one of his pockets, feeling suddenly nervous, though for no apparent reason. Nothing was happening and he believed it wouldn't happen either. It was just a routine check where and in the same way that he would enter, he would leave again. Christopher took a deep breath, staring at his feet for the first three steps. The closer he got to the clinic's sensory doors, the more cold the air conditioning was able to feel, curling around his ankles.

It wasn't advisable to remain in the bubble itself in situations of vulnerability - and Christopher was naturally inattentive, not improving according to the number of intrusive thoughts that popped into his mind whenever he heard a sound that the brain didn't know how to associate with positive things. He pulled on the edges of his coat, hugging his body when, even before he reached the threshold of the entrance, he was able to notice the opening of the doors. He stopped a little earlier, but his attention wasn't the same as that of the alpha who ended up hitting his shoulder in almost dead weight.

"Sorry, I should have looked ahead." The alpha apologized, his voice dragged and tired, his hand immediately on one of Christopher's arms that didn't initially push him out of curiosity.

The familiarity of the situation was foreign to the omega. Perhaps because he recognized the timbre - but it turned out that they all sounded similar to his ears in another language - or because the hand that touched him referred to an event that hadn't yet been relived. Christopher wasn't the type of person who clung to situations as simple as meeting someone, especially when he would never see the person again because there was no plausible reason for it to be such a part of his life. So he felt strangely out of place, though nostalgic, when he realized what was happening.

"Oh, I remember you." Christopher looked up at the alpha, finding a small smile that represented minimal satisfaction in those who had only tried to be polite by an accident. “I just can't remember your name. Sorry, I'm not good with foreigners. ”

"It's fine, it's not your fault." He returned the expression of the other, conscious or not of what that might mean. Christopher had a good memory and in an unusual way, he was nothing that he remembered or in his heart he hoped it would be from the scene he never thought would take shape. Or that he never really gave signs of waiting for it to happen. "Woojin, isn't it?" He questioned, a little more aware of the weight removed from his shoulder when the alpha restricted the touch. "Christopher, by the way."

"Okay. Christopher." Woojin repeated more quietly, seeming to try to feel the taste of the name on his tongue and automatically keep it in a place in his memory. The omega, however, didn't think he would be able to remember and still didn't see the need to judge him for it. "I think I owe you a more formal apology for the other day too"

It was hard to miss how much Woojin was apologizing even though a lot of the things he had highlighted weren't necessarily in his control. After months Christopher didn't expect him to remember his name - mainly because the omega recognized that the alpha was under full effect of drugs - and neither did a bump seem to be enough reason to stop what he was doing, even more so due to a culture in that haste was ruling. These were separate events that were part of life as an accumulation of completely unpredictable moments.

"No problem, we can leave this behind" Christopher gestured vaguely, removing the defensive posture he still maintained from minutes before. "Besides, you looked like you were in a bad situation, I just wanted to help."

"Help a person that you don't know?"

"Well, I know your name, so you're not a complete stranger to me." And somehow he was driven to make that second conversation relevant. Maybe because Woojin, while away from the legal drugs requested by the medical team, sounded like a much more secluded and tense person, with reasons beyond what he had let Christopher know last time. "You look better …"

Woojin unconsciously moved his wrist, lowering his eyes slowly towards his left arm, largely hidden by the sleeve of his overcoat. It was the same hand with which he had touched Christopher and which since then hadn't stopped being locked, with curved and stiff fingers. Using the opposite, Woojin moved his palm and straightened his joints, turning the same hand upwards. The difference in his skin tone was evident, seeming patched by fabrics of varying textures. Christopher pursed his lips, not knowing how he was supposed to act when he had raised the matter himself.

"A little, I think," Woojin concluded, in a dense way. "I just need to get used to the lack of movement in the fingers, it's not that alarming." He lowered his arm again, self-conscious enough to make it invisible when he hid his hand in one of his pockets. "Why did you come back to the hospital this time?"

"The same reason as before." Christopher stepped to the side where the door opened again, leaving the path vacant for whoever was leaving the hospital. "Routine."

There was still much unsaid in a few minutes of conversation - but everything Christopher had gotten from Woojin seemed enough to make him interesting in an unusual way. A person whose depth he was unable to measure regardless of how intense his words sounded, even if it was nothing different from the direction a casual conversation should take. Neither of them had exchanged any information other than what they had experienced, but the omega still felt that he had something much more precious about Woojin in his hands than he had about himself. It was unfair, even though he hadn't asked to be part of that situation.

"Woojin" He drew the other's attention, trying to sound less awkward than he felt "Do you want to have a coffee with me?"

**\-- ☾** **\--**


	2. Chapter 2

" **D** ecaffeinated and sugar-free."

Christopher looked up when Woojin placed the cup in front of his crossed arms, taking care to stay away from any accidents and end up wetting the results of his newly acquired exams. He closed the small greenish folder given by the nurse, finally putting the paperwork aside to thank the alpha's gesture with a gentle smile.

"It's all right? You look a little worried while I was at the counter” Woojin asked, visibly trying not to sound invasive despite not being a question as intrusive as it could have been.

"Too much to think about," Christopher admitted, taking a small sip of his drink as he looked away at the documentation beside him. There was nothing wrong with them, as far as the nurse had explained to him in a superficial way, and his concerns - as Woojin had pointed out probably by the frown on his eyebrows - came from nothing but his insecurity. The same that no medicine could solve. "I ... I think I'm about to make a decision that I'm not sure I will be able to deal with the consequences."

"And what would it be?"

He maintained eye contact with the alpha for a few seconds, feeling the coffee go down in his throat with an unusual bitterness, weighing in his stomach like stones. His hands were cooler and his shoulders were unconsciously tenser. He didn't know exactly how to say it without looking like an alien - but Christopher knew he wasn't; in fact, it was characterized as common as natural redheaded people. Nor did Woojin seem to be judgmental, just as he had shared a fact with Christopher so heavy and so openly that under other circumstances surely anyone would have reacted badly. It was just an exchange of experiences, he had been through it so many times.

"I ... I want to get pregnant." He admitted, realizing the exact moment when that information had captured the other's curiosity.

"You mean ... Your omega?" Woojin asked with some trepidation, feeling the ground to try to understand better if what Christopher had said or he had heard matched in the same way. The omega sighed, not surprised or disappointed, not knowing exactly what that gesture meant.

"No. Me." He went on, unconsciously lowering his head and looking at his hands in the semi-warm cup. "Let's say that I am ... a little bit different."

The silence that time was no longer so comfortable. Of course, in so many months since the last conversation they had maybe skipping straight to that explanation wasn't the best decision, but Christopher didn't want to be accused of hiding something that most people thought was important to know just because it wasn't about a visible, tangible problem. He was no different from any of them in practice, but they acted as if he were extraordinary and a traitor because of a physiological condition out of his control.

And Christopher didn't want Woojin to think negatively about it. Even though there was no need to prove himself and he managed to captivate some well-balanced self-love, he didn't even know how far it could go beyond what was acceptable to just acquaintances, in which the first conversation revealed something on one side and in the second the intensity of the facts exchanged seemed to increase relatively. Perhaps the idea of being rejected was frightening, even though there is no contract that maintains any relationship after eventually saying goodbye.

"I'm not an alpha." He went on, self-conscious enough to give up his drink. "But, I'm not a beta either." Christopher nervously shrugged and put a hand on the back of his neck, running his fingers gently through the roots of his hair. “I… My parents raised me to be an alpha, but my body ended up developing in a different way. I discovered that I was intersexual at sixteen and since then I have had to live with the idea that I have a relatively functional uterus. I mean, it's not a problem. Never was. It's not my ability to reproduce that makes me so different from anyone ... ”

"Chris"

The omega looked up, noticing the still serene way in which he was observed. His expression didn't seem to carry anything that Christopher was used to receiving - and for a second he allowed himself to pass the way his short name slipped through Woojin's mouth with compassion. There was no feeling of strangeness or disgust, regret or apology. Perhaps that bitterness came from himself and his suffocating self-pity. For so long he was convinced that he was right, and indeed he was, but it wasn't yet as simple to express it loud and clear as it was in his subconscious whispering words of comfort.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me if you don't feel comfortable." Woojin raised his cup to his mouth, being brief in taking a sip of his hottest drink. "I know I asked, but answering isn't an obligation."

"No, it's alright." Christopher shook his head and moved his hand in a random gesture, taking a deep breath to try to calm his pounding heart. He leaned back in his chair, playing with the label on the cup that carried Woojin's name, just for convenience when taking the orders. “But ... Sometimes it's a little difficult to hear it from myself and out loud. In my head, everything is very well tied, it's not like I need to feel like something to be fixed. ”

"What did the doctors tell you?"

Christopher blinked slowly, leaning forward and resting his hand below his face, feeling the pressure of his fingers on his cheeks. It wasn't really a common topic, even though he was just letting things flow, and allowing the words to come off his vocal cords for someone he probably wouldn't see again made it a lot easier to carry the wheight on his shoulders. Woojin might come out with a small piece of his that he would develop for just a moment of reverie in the future or a lesson, even if not necessarily aimed at some specific learning. But with the alpha's evident interest he could say that it wouldn't just be a funny story in a circle of friends.

“Although I can carry a baby, I'm not able to produce ovaries or sperm, which leaves me with only the option of insemination. Despite being at the peak of my health would still be a risky pregnancy, I cannot have a natural birth or offer exactly everything the baby would need. ” He returned his eyes to one hand, tracing each pen line in the cup with his index finger. "And maybe I would need to take extra doses of hormones that I'm not able to produce in large quantities."

"Wouldn't that be a little suicidal?" Woojin questioned with an obvious delicacy in his voice, as if he didn't want to trigger anything on the other that he was going to regret it. It was none of his business, of course, but a little bit of himself felt that Christopher was taking a risk for something meaningless. Perhaps the most ignorant part of him understood that the safest thing was to be always away from any risk. Preventing was the best remedy, he should have followed the same rule well before.

"Maybe." The omega agreed, trapping his lower lip between his teeth out of pure nervous habit. “But I want this. I want to make my own pack even if it's just me and my baby. It's the last step I need to take to feel that I have achieved as much as I could. ”

"How does it work?" Woojin straightened up in his chair, supporting his back and knowingly or not stiffening his shoulders. "That is, you said that you aren't able to produce everything you need without medical help"

“My progesterone level isn't as high as an omega and not even controlled with a grandiose proposal like a beta. My body produces very low levels, just enough to keep my uterus capable of supporting a child, so for some, I can still be considered alpha since they are my strongest characteristics, just not unique. ”

But Christopher seemed to know that it was more of a pre-established idea than supported by facts. He didn't smell like an omega, but naturally, his skin had a sweet odor that stuck to clothes easily. He had no physical characteristics of an omega, even though he still had relatively delicate features such as smaller hands and regulated heat cycles - in a way that he hadn't been taught in his high school years and he had to deal for a long time with pains easily mistaken for infections that didn't exist. He was an alpha because he looked like one, in theory, and soon one thing supported the other without anyone accepting to hear a different answer so easily. However, it was worth emphasizing that for the first time talking about the subject, he also didn't feel himself trying to convince someone to accept what he was.

"I hope you get it." Christopher tilted his head a little to the side as if trying to find in Woojin's voice some remnant that he wasn't being sincere, but all he managed to find was a small, gentle smile that passed certain comfort and safety. "It's a courageous step, in my opinion"

“Thank you” He ended up mirroring the alpha's expression, but in a more open way, that smile that swallowed his eyes and left his dimples more than evident. "You didn't tell me much about yourself ..." Christopher seemed to think about it, bringing his drink closer to him so that he just occupied his hands entirely. "What do you want the most out of life now?"

**\-- ☾** **\--**

Christopher came home with more information than he thought he would have for a single day, carrying the bags of clothes in one arm and in the opposite a small package containing a lone piece of grape tart, which Woojin had insisted he should take, after letting go that he was out of the house at an early hour - and the lunch he had with Hannah had long since been digested in the midst of his busy schedule.

Honestly, he didn't think they would see each other again. As comfortable as the alpha's presence was and as gentle he probably is, neither ended the conversation by suggesting anything but that chance encounter with a future being left in the hands of fate. Even so, Christopher had the feeling that he could already consider him a less superficial acquaintance that he had hinted at the hospital entrance, carrying with him enough that he could think for a few more days of the unusual power of coincidence.

He initially left the bags on the sofa in the living room, dodging Berry, who was sleeping comfortably between the pillows. His priority was to keep the dessert in the fridge for, who knows, taste it the next day - with the sweetness of that meeting still on the tip of his tongue. In the middle of the way, while taking each piece of cloth in the direction of the bathroom, he mentally went over every detail as if looking for a sign that it hadn't happened. It might sound like a strange finding, but he wasn't used to the naturalness with which everything had developed, how comfortable he was to explain his goals to someone who until a few hours ago knew nothing but his name. And as much as Woojin did give a certain impression the instant they met, it was only after that specific day that Christopher would end up feeling marked by the alpha's words, catching himself thinking about them more often than he thought he should give importance.

But it took a few weeks for them to cross paths again. Christopher occasionally still remembered things that Woojin allowed him to know about himself and that he probably wouldn't know how to answer about his own closest circle of friends; like favorite pie flavor or a book they read as a child but never knew the name so they could look for it again. With each step he was able to think about the story over and over again, making it a hobby to seek an answer to the question that didn't even belong to him.

He found what he unconsciously probed in December, with a copy of 'My orange lime tree' in his hands frozen by the sudden drop in temperature at that time of year. It was brand new, even if it came from a forgotten cubicle, a bookshop located in a more hidden part of the labyrinthine streets of the big city. He opened a genuine smile, allowing his index finger to slide through the playful designs, then rounding the title with a certain charm. It definitely didn't mean as much to him as it should have to someone he met only twice, but Christopher still took the copy with him, carrying it under his arm on the way home.

He could hear the rain outside the subway's dimensions as soon as he crossed the turnstile, his feet following the platforms automatically to the one that would take him closer to home - but he would still have to walk a little further and hoped the weather would change until there, after all, he had made the mistake of not bringing anything that could possibly protect him from a storm. And with all that turnaround that even the morning newspaper seemed to have foreseen, however unusual it was, it didn't surprise him that the trains were delayed, forcing him to wait a little longer than would normally be necessary.

Christopher adjusts the book in his arms better, staring at the ceiling for a few moments - as if he could see the rain behind the concrete - wondering if it was safe to take it so unprotected when it was a work in perfect condition, without a single ear in it pages or slightly scraping the edges of the cover. He gently pulled the scarf around his neck with his fingertips, agreeing alone that it was worth wrapping the book against the knitting fibers in which he kept it straight in his backpack. He could handle some cold winds and take care of taking some throat lozenges as soon as he set the foot in his apartment.

After a few minutes, his thoughts were flooded by the sound of the rails, the strong wind that accompanied the train, messing up his hair even more along the way - and that storm was getting the best of him. But Christopher didn't come in at first, letting people pass in front of him both to get in and out of the wide-open doors; and it was in the nearest one that he saw a known figure, accompanied by a serious-looking omega who didn't wait long to take the black leather suitcase from the alpha's hand.

Going in the opposite direction in which Christopher was observing the scene, Woojin only allowed her to leave while adjusting the yellow bag on his shoulders. The comes and goes from assorted people not preventing each one from taking their time, seconds that seemed like hours until the alpha raised his face slightly lowered and his eyes met Christopher's less than two meters away. The omega took this as permission, turning the body in reflex and letting the steps automatically guide him closer to the other.

"Hey," He greeted, his low voice almost swallowed by the train that was leaving now, forcing him to wait for the next one. Christopher hugged his body, not knowing how to react. "Long time no see."

"Yeah, it's been long weeks"

With each conversation, Woojin's voice seemed to display different aspects of his personality or mood, forcing Christopher to always redo the painting he had in mind of exactly what he could be. The first was just someone whose medication showed an extroverted and melancholy part of him, watered with deep thoughts and interests with short attention spans. From the second he saw a recluse human being, albeit kind, who embraced the world with his legs and took on responsibilities that no one had control over. And finally, at that moment, Christopher saw only a beaten shell and empty words that carried the same weight that he had previously avoided showing.

It was impossible not to remember that the answer to his best question had been "nothing", the same vacuum as Woojin's words now visible in each of his attitudes.

"Your hand looks better"

Perhaps it wasn't the ideal aspect to score when naturally the mood of the conversation sounded overwhelming to both sides; and Christopher forced himself not to look frustrated at not getting the answer he wanted. Furthermore, at no time did Woojin demand to leave him alone. Not even with more complex body gestures. He just seemed to be stuck in his own head, now and then still looking for the omega that had left him there, with his feet planted not far from the risky strip of the subway lines.

"It is," He replied in an uncertain voice, but biased toward confirmation. Maybe to meet those same expectations that Christopher would have preferred not to be as visible as Woojin's tone allowed to understand.

There had been a few times when he had to face this situation. Not that a dialogue summarized in a few words was new to the omega, but each thing said had its weight and its measure, none of which came from Christopher's perception alone. It was difficult to find a person who looked so deliberately vulnerable in public. As much as anyone who passed by could consider only two adults, where one tried to divert the other's attention to a possible malaise. But Woojin was physically well. He breathed calmly, his voice came without shaking and each syllable still sounded coherent; just distant. Far far away.

"You fine?"

He decided to ask like someone who confesses a secret, taking the liberty of approaching and placing the right hand on the bag slung over the alpha's shoulders. Woojin didn't move away, didn't even move a muscle. The eyes remained on his own hand, the fingers of which showed more mobility than the last time they saw each other; deducing from the little he had gesticulated so far.

As if the lack of reaction for the next few minutes wasn't enough to make Christopher worried, when Woojin just took a deep, dense and moist breath, seeming to be holding in his throat everything he hadn't told - which was a lot, but the omega never wanted to pressure him to say what seemed to be an immense burden - he tried to act faster than the answer that would come. He didn't have to be very smart to know that Woojin would lie, life had already given Christopher dozens of those excuses.

He took the book out of his bag again, taking care to break the touch inside the alpha's comfort zone before he continued with the process of unwrapping the copy, hoping that there was no new dent in it. He knew that his every gesture was followed by Woojin's attention, and he took his time so that he just focused on something other than his voice and whatever was shouting inside him. He also searched the bottom of his backpack for a pen, resting the book on his own chest and quickly jotting down the first thing on his mind right on the home page. Striking enough that each time it was opened it showed what, maybe, Woojin just wouldn't want to hear at that moment.

“Stay with it” He didn't insist, not been really necessary when he only placed the copy between Woojin's hands within the coldness of his own. "I hope you get better. Really better, ”Christopher said in a whisper before walking away, automatically uncomfortable because he had nothing to occupy the space between his palms. "I have to go or I'll miss the train."

With that again, the wind dragged the pamphlets on the floor, waved skirts and took the oily hair out of Woojin's forehead, showing the eyebrows together in a curious expression - at least this time a little less robotic and more human. Christopher didn't say goodbye, only took a step behind the alpha when the doors of the train stopped at the station opened, being immediately swallowed by the same strangers he met at certain times on the same way home.

He remained with his back to the door, not checking how his attitude had been received. Christopher chewed on his lower lip and took the phone out of his pocket.

It was 11:11.

It had been a while since he had thought of making any wishes.

**\-- ☾** **\--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My orange lime tree is a book by a very famous Brazilian writer, but, believe me, it's used for early childhood education in Korea, but I, a Brazilian, never took this book until I graduated from school.
> 
> It's a good book tho, I recommend it to anyone who is interested (it has been translated into several languages)
> 
> Btw, does my writing bother some of you? I've been questioning it myself for some time, maybe the way I write in my own language is not serving very well for other stories. Sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was still December 25th and two minutes or so less still weren't able to make the night turn.

**T** he pen on the plastic, circling the date on the calendar in red, made an uncomfortable noise like scratching a chalkboard with something sharp or scraping a metal spoon on a rough wall. He didn't know if there was exactly a name for that kind of feeling, maybe it didn't even matter that much. He was a passenger, he knew he was just trying to fill a hole with anything that didn't remind him that the exaggeration of the sound of a needle falling on the floor, was nothing more than the empty corridors and unoccupied rooms in an apartment that seemed too big for him. One person only.

It was December 25th. Woojin hadn't considered himself a religious person in some time - and had his reasons for believing that the existence of any form of a higher power was ridiculous, but it would be another matter for another time. It was still December 25th and two minutes or so less still weren't able to make the night turn. They weren't able to bring back the color of the Christmas lights and the spirit of socializing to a home without any artificial decoration or extra steps on the wooden floor. And he didn't know if he wanted the looks of the previous year and the joy he couldn't really feel back.

Everyone had been so happy with him at some point. The memory was distant and he could only remember what had made it just that. A melancholy martyr and a song for better days that didn't seem in a hurry to come. They were there, somewhere, just unable for him to see them.

If he stopped to think clearly, he would see that this was far from counting as one of his worst weeks - simply because he had received in the days that followed much more solutions than problems, although today he could see better that maybe they weren't the best resolutions as the instant they happened. Woojin couldn't quite hold a pen with the only hand whose fingers were still moving. He couldn't rotate my wrist without feeling the pain that tingled his nerves and tightened his shoulders. It had been a bad decision but he could say that little by little he was getting used to the environment of white walls and strong odor corridors in different wards of the same hospital. Perhaps his isolation had finally led him to believe that it was better to be anywhere else than there, in his apartment.

In the current present, however, Woojin knew it was better to be completely alone. He wasn't his most pleasant company, but it was what he had left - and how important Christmas was to those who had hopes, he didn't feel entitled to occupy the time of others simply because his demons wouldn't allow him to sleep at night. He no longer expected the same concern to return to him, however. He had ruled out pack meetings and wasn't even considering the possibility of being included in messages sent automatically to a large number of contacts.

Woojin was a monster and deserved nothing other than what he was reaping for what he planted. It was inappropriate for him to have any kind of positive feeling, he was invalidated by empathy and he had no more voice to defend himself against the broken attacks of a strangely loud silence.

Uninterested in being distracted by the banalest of TV shows, he only stepped back, abandoning his body again on the cold leather sofa, staring directly at the thread of light that crossed the living room carpet and ended at the front door hinges. On the coffee table, at eye level, was a thin book with a pliable cover that he hadn't bothered to look before. There was nothing about it that escaped any other copy that Woojin had obtained during his college years or out of a mere habit of compulsively accumulating books during fairs and displaying offers in shops. It was just one more, although, in better condition, that for some reason hadn't been accumulating as much dust like the others of possibly greater relevance.

He sat down, looking for the object in a thoughtless reflection during the movement and placing it directly on his lap without opening it. For an instant, he just stopped to notice the color of the drawings on the cover, the letters in a simple font compared to all the props of a clearly childish work. And on the first page, just below the title and above an irrelevant editorial name, Woojin knew that the handwriting on the self-made message didn't belong to him He had never even seen it in his life, but he liked the way his name was written in the characters of his own language. How the curve differed from native writing, opening up to a different interpretation - but it was better than that and he knew exactly what each word meant. Together and separate.

_Regardless of when you read,_

_I hope everything is fine now, Woojin_

\- _Christopher_

Although Christopher wasn't a neglected memory, Woojin didn't remember his voice very well, which seemed to leave the message a little deficient despite the charming way in which it was written. Perhaps he wished for the first time that the voice in his head wasn't his own, that it didn't invalidate the support simply because he could no longer believe in himself. Contrary to what was desired, nothing really looked right and Woojin just kept trying to put on makeup what was beyond his ability to handle. Pretending that nothing was happening had failed in so many ways and yet facing his traumas head-on was never an option.

One message wasn't enough to make it all regress to a moment when he really feels at peace. It was just a jumble of characters that crossed out an apparently new book, but it was evident from a few details that it was possibly found among so many others in some old bookstore. The message might not even have been aimed at him, although it was difficult to find someone with such an uncharacteristic name for the region - or who was the one to deliver it, Woojin was just having trouble associating why exactly that was happening. He kept repeating that he wasn't worthy, but in his hands, he held the only thing that someone had given him in the past two years as if he cared. Or because he cared.

And further down, as if the support for problems that Christopher had no idea of wasn't enough, the phone number written with a little more erasure made it clear that it wasn't as vague as Woojin forced himself to understand it to be. Just for manners and nothing more. People could be good for the same reasons that they were bad. It could be temporary, just an opportunity to comfort someone to feel better about themselves.

He took a deep breath, pressing his rough fingers against the sheet, unconsciously bending it. Christopher wasn't like that, it was obvious that the only one wrong there was he in thinking that everything would always be against him. He was in no hurry to transcribe the row of numbers to his cellphone, searching among the contacts for the only name not blocked and in which the written form was clearly different from all the others. A spare point, again a single detail with great relevance and difference.

He didn't think if he should send a message. It was already days and Woojin, not paying much attention to that detail, chose not to be rude to someone else. As much as he insisted on an argumentative hallucination against himself that any effort he made was useless, that Christopher didn't really remember who he was. If he had nothing more to lose, what was really preventing him?

Hey, it's Woojin **[21:30, 12/25]**

I just pass to wish you a Merry Christmas **[21:31, 12/25]**

He didn’t wait for the message to be read or at least viewed, since he didn’t expect Christopher to be so focused on his phone on a day when he should have focused his attention specifically on his pack - despite having no idea what exactly the relationship was like with the other's parents, or at least how it was now, sometime later since they actually had any kind of conversation other than superficial. He dragged his body to the side, turning on the lamp next to the left arm of the sofa, where he would have better support to accommodate the forgotten book on his lap for some time. He went from the first page to the second, being entertained by the time when parties took place in the neighboring apartments, that cars slowed down on the street and that everything seemed a little more singing, melodious.

Suddenly, he no longer felt so alone. His company itself wasn't so unpleasant and the reading, who would say, was his favorite tale while he was still a child - seen through the eyes of an adult with far from childish problems. The voice he heard in each sentence wasn't his own, it even seemed to be known with an accent, unlike anything he had ever heard. It soothed, remedied the ears hurt by so many high-pitched sounds in recent years.

And twenty-five had become twenty-six with his fingers between the pages of the copy that smelled like mothballs, resting on his chest as it rose and fell with the calm breath of a sleep he hadn't been contemplating in months. But the biggest reason for waking up was perhaps the sound of whatever it was, carrying tremendous density, reaching the part of the floor unprotected by the carpet. He shifted, the pain in his shoulders and the back of his neck not necessarily bothering him for the first few seconds until he was better off with the world around him. There was no traffic and the neighbors were silent. No sounds on the stairs, no steps with snow boots under the windows. And the stillness, that time, hadn't bothered him as he expected it to.

Nothing illuminated as well as daylight. Woojin acknowledged that he may have finally spent more than twelve hours in deep sleep, clean from such vivid nightmares. In fact, he dreamed of a lime orange tree that he hoped wouldn't be cut out. He also hoped, at least for the next few days until the turn of the year, to visit it in his subconscious again. He sat up in slow movements, feeling every inch of his body fit back like a puzzle. Except, of course, the parts that didn't work that well anymore. The phone continued to vibrate on the floor, now closer to the soles of his feet and more muffled by the position.

He didn't think if he should look at whoever was calling him, nor did he know how to say which impulse guided him to lower his torso and pick up the device that was convulsing against his heel. Still, it was the best decision in days simply by listening to something on the other end of the line that reminded him of the same peacefulness as the night before, found in nothing more than a daydream of his. He should start hearing himself better.

_"Did I wake you up? Sorry, you didn't answer last night and I didn't want to say anything by message. I mean, I could, but I didn't want to sound ... vague? I'm talking too much and it's too early for that - “_

"Good morning, Chris" He said perhaps with a little more difficult than he would normally speak, feeling the name unfold in his language again incomplete.

_"Oh, I really woke you up"_

Woojin sighed away from the phone, leaving the book still on his lap back to the coffee table, turned over with the pages open just so he wouldn't forget that soon he had an encounter with the protagonist and his stories much more innocently exciting than reality was given grace. He sank his back into the upholstery and put the phone back to his ear, realizing that he had lost parts of Christopher's monologue that didn't even seem to matter at all in the first minutes of the call.

“ _\- Well, I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. Even if it's not Christmas anymore. ”_

Regardless of how bitter he still was, covered with all the other feelings he knew, one who was still capable of standing out with the idea of festivity but Woojin wouldn't dump that on the other under any circumstances. He wasn't going to throw away all the effort that Christopher put into the words written in the book or the calls he was definitely not obliged to make. He could have acted like any other and yet it was the first voice the alpha had heard that didn't want for him what they thought he deserved - or that he himself had already digested as a truth. Perhaps he should be more grateful for certain coincidences.

“Thank you” He felt honesty with a sweeter taste in his mouth than all the lies he had been repeating through the hours of the previous day. "I hope you had a nice Christmas too."

_"I think I had"_

The uncertainty of Christopher's words didn't reach his voice and looking out the window, still with the curtains largely closed and dust particles crossing the beam of light in the room, Woojin let himself smile at the idea that it probably meant something positive for him too. Or that he could add any information as if it were his, even for a few seconds. Allow himself to be happy because someone was. Someone who had done a lot more for him than someone he trusted his whole life. He rubbed the palm of his hand slightly closed over one of his cheeks, forcing himself in a position where he could easily prevent problems from remaining around his own shadow.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

_"Not today. I want to know how you are. ”_

"Right now, in need of coffee."

Without further details, Woojin stood up, ready to move on. He blew his hair out of his eyes and crossed the quiet apartment to the kitchen. Christopher also seemed to be busy, although it wasn't necessarily of his own free will - he could hear more people in the background talking in a language that Woojin wasn't awake enough to try to identify.

_"I should have let you sleep some more"_ Woojin placed the cup under the coffee maker in an inverted order since he had switched it on before and ended up smearing the counter with a few extra drops of espresso. He could clean up afterward, wasting a few seconds on Christopher's embarrassed laugh on the phone. _"Do you want to do this now?"_

"I have all day, don't worry."

 _"Hm ... Did you ... read it?"_ Unsure of whether to bring it up or make it clear, Christopher began to take a few long pauses between words, choosing them carefully.

"The book?"

Woojin smiled, reliving the memory of all the expressions he knew from the omega, making it even better to just extend what could be answered with yes or no. He rested his hips against the counter and stared at his bare feet, moving his fingers to the beat of any soft tapping that came to his head. He liked how talking to Christopher turned that whole hurricane of feelings into soft jazz in a commercial elevator.

"I started last night." He continued, taking his time. "Although I wasted a few more minutes reading what you wrote on the first page."

_"Ah ... So you read it."_

"Yes, I read."

It would be strange if he needed to put it in terms longer than it needed to be. Show what was definitely good for him by keeping implicit. Christopher could also understand that way, or hoped that he realized that his silence wasn't a negative thing, he just wasn't able to verbalize his gratitude without thinking he was doing something wrong. The consequences were heavy and he was afraid of what it might trigger. He was a coward in every possible way, he was afraid of losing what he had just found - it was just not healthy to put labels and create expectations beyond what they could mutually agree with. Christopher was no stranger, but he couldn't place the responsibility of being his thread of sanity on the shoulders of the omega.

_"What are your plans for the new year, Woojin?"_

None. Of course, there was nothing scheduled for the next few days, perhaps for the months to come. He had lost his job during the first “incident” months ago and still couldn't think about the future without thinking it was doomed to not exist. That maybe it was better that it didn't exist. On the other hand, lying was useless. Christopher wasn't just asking to take part in his constant loneliness. He was sure not.

"It's a day like any other, so …"

“ _Well, looking this way...”_ Woojin turned off the machine, doing his best to balance the half-filled cup of hot coffee in his best hand. He heard Christopher click his tongue on the top of his mouth. Thoughtful. _"But I don't want it to be like that"_

"What do you want it to be?"

 _"Different."_ The alpha adjusted his posture, just hearing the moistening of the other's lips clearly, not knowing where that thought would go, although he suspected it. _"Don't you feel like starting over?"_

"Honestly, I don't know."

 _"Every new year is a new chance."_ There was an implied smile in his voice and Woojin smiled at the idea to be considered. Even though eventually he could still disagree faster than he would like. _"I don't have any plans this time either ... Do you want to start over with me?"_

**\-- ☾** **\--**

"It's still a little early until midnight, don't you think?"

Not that Woojin thought it bad to leave the house at that point, regardless of the time. Besides, there was nothing exactly to indicate his unwillingness to be there - maybe because there really was no discomfort in having a company that didn't know about all the most remote events. At least not in chronological order or in a way that things ended up becoming variably explanatory. Christopher didn't ask questions that Woojin was clearly not willing to answer. In fact, in the course of the time they were together, the subject hadn't turned to relations with the pack or personal problems at any time. Starting over didn't mean rubbing everything that had shaped both personalities so far, they probably only came to some silently agreed conclusion that it just wasn't time.

"For sure" Christopher agreed after a while, hiding his hands in his coat pockets and a little bit of his face behind the same red scarf that Woojin remembered seeing him wearing last time. "But it's getting dark"

"It doesn't make it any less early" He smiled small, still staring at his watch for a few more seconds until he crossed his arms in reflex. He was well dressed, but now and then it was inevitable that the breeze would pass through any small, minimally vacant space. "But I understand why"

"You do?"

"Well, kinda" Woojin turned his face to the side in an unfortunate moment, where the wind ended up blowing a little too hard above the sideway that they crossed in the lull of a walk, directed to no specific place. Christopher laughed softly at the alpha's expression as his hair moved in the opposite direction, even with the strands coming back to his eyes with the same weight shortly after. "I was going to say that the view is good, but now I don't see much"

"You're right, the view is great" Another laugh until Woojin opened one eye, a little reluctantly bringing his leather-covered hand up to the strands of hair, using his index finger just to create space over his lashes. “And the sunset is beautiful these days”

"Are you always away from home at that time?"

“Lately, yes”

Christopher's routine hadn't changed much if it were necessary to analyze it from a general point of view. Almost a year ago, his goals had already been established as more than clear and that is why his frequency at the hospital had regularized the different color palettes of the sunset he witnessed over the seasons. He always considered it a lonely perception, in a way, since he wasn't constantly in a hurry to get his tasks done - as an advertiser he obviously had a schedule and a need to follow it if he wanted to keep his bills in check, but as a freelancer, he also had the gift of time to observe things around him. From the way Woojin took that moment that was so common for the omega, he was almost sure that the situation didn't mean the same to him.

"I thought you worked at home"

“I have more to do besides work” Christopher shrugged, calmly “You know, washing clothes, shopping, taking the dog to the vet, routine exams, adult stuff ...” He continued counting, moving his fingers inside the pockets in reflex.

"Adult stuff would be enough explanation"

In situations that required no real effort to be discussed and understood, Woojin was an easy person to talk to - regardless of how introverted he still tended to be. While the late afternoon varied between conversations about the same “adult problems” and random street foods, with Woojin convincing Christopher to try at least one seafood considering he preferred not to, they ended up sitting as far away as possible from the open benches the closer they got to midnight. The days seemed to be lasting less, but Christopher knew from the recurring news that since the time of his grandparents the planet had been turning a little slower and 365 days had already become 367. The Lunar calendar had changed and automatically traditions hadn't necessarily been replaced but adapted. Because, from there, the omega could see the two moons sharing space in a sky now taken by blue and gray tones.

"Do you intend to celebrate the lunar year too?"

Christopher asked with no intention of getting into more particular themes like friends and packs, but at times it seemed a little inevitable when it was practically all that was left for an adult person in whom his career was already consolidated in some way. Woojin had told him even when they met at the hospital that he had graduated some years ago, just like the omega and with that many of his worries were reduced to endless obligations and not something with a more direct objective, from this point of view. Work just ended when you got fired. Thinking about it might leave him with a sense of freedom for being able to make his own schedules and therefore being able to think about a future itself. Woojin was still a half-scratched sheet, without a conclusion. He still didn't know what he thought about it, just that he didn't seem inclined to want to talk about what made him what he was. He would have to find out for himself and never with a certainty of an answer.

"No, I haven't done that for a while" Christopher pulled his legs up onto the bench, trying to feel a little more comfortable as he slid his hips a bit forward until it rested on his heels. In his hands, he still had a plastic cup, with a small skewer of fish dough that smelled extremely good; although it might have been slightly cold already. Woojin only observed everything, varying between the movement of the other and that of the people around him. "And you?"

"It's not part of my habits" He moistened his lips, bringing the skewer to his mouth and biting just one end to drag the dough upwards. "I even thought you weren't going to accept going out with me today," Christopher concluded, busying himself with the food for a few more seconds before returning the alpha's more intense look this time.

"It's not common, really" After all it was an extra 'holiday' to spend with the pack, thanking ancestors for another year. Woojin knew that it would be contradictory to maintain a belief so faithful to that kind of empty tradition. "Lucky for you that I have a vague agenda for a while"

"Even for your pack?"

Woojin raised his eyebrows, only then having realized that he had given a very negative impression of his relationship with his own pack - not that it was positive in today's fields, but it had been at some point like any other. Perhaps he was the one to blame for the most basic structure for his formation of identity and character to have collapsed, it was what they were constantly reinforcing. Christopher's hesitation was even understandable from the perspective of those who still didn't quite understand what was going on. It was a long story and since this was one of the few moments when his head felt as light as his palms, it didn't seem appropriate to go so deep in an answer.

“They are part of the reason for having vacant space in it” And, of course, he had lost his job. All two bases to keep him from losing his mind were the reason he had minutes, hours and days to 'clean the attic' of unwanted memories and feelings, hoping that in the end he would have nothing left and start over, as Christopher had suggested in the invitation, it was something more plausible to be achieved.

"And your friends?"

“Busy with their own lives, I think” Woojin had been apart of any of them for a long time, without being able to count on many who one day promised to always be by his side. Regardless of the names that could be associated with the same vows. "You're very sociable, I doubt that I was your only option"

“No, not the only one. But good opportunities don't always come. ”

"But you have my number and sooner or later you would know that I don't have much to do with my free time"

"I can still use this for the future." Christopher smiled, lips closed this time, abandoning the empty cup and the clean skewer beside him on the bench, opposite to the space Woojin occupied. "New Year, relatively new people -"

“A day like any other”

"Don't tell me that you eat fried octopus every day?"

Woojin laughed, a genuine one, the kind that sounded strange even to his own ears. Christopher, on the other hand, seemed happy with that reaction, after all as much as Woojin smiled enough as was common for a person, it was always a sad or guilty gesture for whatever reason. He liked that alpha more than any other mentally noted version of him. The one who seemed, even for a few seconds, to have more taste for life - Christopher hadn't, at any time since met Woojin, ignored the fact that he had tried to hurt himself. In fact, his whole approach revolved around the fact that he seemed self-conscious enough of what he did, even if he acted like he didn't. It was an unknown and interesting thing for those who were always looking for the best in everyone.

“I wish, but they are a little out of budget” The laugh had died but left the shadow of a pleasant smile on the alpha's lips. “I mean that things aren't going to change overnight”

"Too bad it wasn't, but it wasn't what I was expecting to happen"

"What do you expect from a new year?"

"I don't know. I would probably say it's the closing of a cycle and that whole thing. ”He gestured vaguely, sinking his hands again into his crushed pockets between his thighs and his stomach.

"And don't you say more?"

“Observer” The omega clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth “I don't know if it's the end, but it's definitely the beginning of something, a new phase, a way of looking back and measuring how well we did in four seasons "

"Do you think you have a positive balance?"

“Oh no, I suck at making decisions. Perhaps the last one was the worst of them, there is no way to know. ”

"Wasn't because of such a decision that you ended up in the hospital's burn ward?"

"There are evils that come for good"

It was strange not to think about anything, even if that simple sentence gave Woojin a lot to review over the past few months. Despite the question asked to Christopher shortly before, his own answer wouldn't have been very positive if he had received it back. It wasn't a war about who was good or who was bad, it was obvious that each one carried their own demons on their shoulders - but unlike himself, the omega seemed to have a much easier time talking about his problems and trying to solve them. Woojin admitted, he wasn't trying to find a solution for absolutely anything and this is why he remained to accumulate feelings uncontrollably, building fragile walls instead of opening viable bridges and paths out of the anguish in his head. That tight space he always came back to, filled with guilt, pain. If Woojin had a chance to make a request, a single one, he would have wanted to be someone else.

"I have something to tell" Christopher stretched out his legs and settled himself back on the bench, part of his body turned towards the alpha, who didn't even move. "Or at least, I want you to be the first out of my pack to know"

"I don't know what it is, but I'm curious," he admitted, putting aside all that time when the silence wasn't really uncomfortable, but negatively enlightening. Woojin had been thinking too much and his head ached for not being able to complete any of this.

"I think you will like to know"

He didn't care much about what it might be. They didn't know each other as best friends, Woojin didn't even know if he could already consider Christopher more than a casual acquaintance, however, he knew it would be worth it for the smile that the omega no longer seemed to be able to hide as if he had found a real treasure, something that would change his life forever. It was likely that he already had a hunch, but he waited, gesturing in the most fluid motion possible for him to proceed.

"I'm pregnant." As if it were possible, the same smile as before seemed to widen, swallowing his eyes completely. "This time it's for real"

**\-- ☾** **\--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Channie is such a soft


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was their first hug, even when the alpha congratulated him about the pregnancy. Even when they said goodbye to the other in their meetings. It was the first time that he could properly hear how low Woojin's heart beat compared to his own. It was broken, but it's okay. His heart has never been whole, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had food poisoning this weekend and I feel like I'm dying.  
> I translated this story during this period so there may be errors in some degrees that you can point out that I will fix if necessary. I'll definitely be back later to check it out, I just didn't want to keep y'all waiting. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

**W** oojin release the paper of his door, swiftly looking over keywords to understand that it was the second eviction message he receives just by the second month of the year. He expected them to come sooner, but the owners of the rented apartment had a heart of gold, so that they understood that everyone deserved a minimum of dignity during the holidays and the peace of early January. Not that the alpha had much of that, particularly. Not much had changed as well. Whatever he hoped would happen with the turn of the year to the next - with everyone strangely excited by the end of a decade that meant absolutely nothing in practice - the only real novelty in his life was having someone to talk about banal matters, avoiding to be left to mourn the walls alone, as the winter schedule on TV became ridiculous.

He had learned a lot from those silly things that everyone had as peculiarity about Christopher. How he didn't like unforeseen things and was always very punctual - unlike Woojin, who faithfully believed that time was a conception without a real foundation and as long as he arrived from A to B, it didn't matter. He was also a functional adult, who knew how to cook and watered the plants daily. Over the course of the days, he had also discovered that the omega had counted them to wash clothes or make medical appointments; and that when there was no availability on Wednesdays, he had a great inclination to leave for the next week or month, if necessary. Turning the key to unlock the front door, Woojin took the first step, aware of why it was admirable that Christopher was a little more successful in more personal ways.

It wasn't really a matter of envy or comparing yourself too much with another person wanting what they have, and even if it were, it was a normal, non-harmful feeling. Perhaps Woojin was just reviewing the past few years through the eyes of someone much better able to live in a dignified way with life as a whole. There was nothing that could be saved from the dusty books on the shelf to the food wrappers that had been lying on the counter for at least an entire weekend. He hadn't made the bed since November and he wasn't even really bothering to cross the space from the living room to the bedroom. And now, not that he hadn't been thinking about it all the time, but he urgently needed a job.

He dropped the backpack in some corner and didn't bother to take his shoes off at the door, ending up leaving them anywhere while he picked up the yellow towel on the bedroom door and headed to the bathroom. Better the devil you know than the devil you don´t and Woojin luckily still had a hot shower to get lost for good hours. It wasn't the best part of his day, either. Perhaps because it was difficult to get used to the state of his arm completely corroded and deformed by fire, or because the scars on his wrists were relatively recent. They were months old but very few. He hadn't tried anything new, it wasn't worth it.

He had recently heard that she was fine. With much less trauma than he did, not that it really mattered. He heard that she no longer wanted to leave the house unaccompanied. His parents had welcomed her shortly after he had officially removed all his things - which wasn't much, after all a good part of his belongings had been in his apartment since he graduated from university and what had been left behind had occupied no more than the yellow sports bag lying under his bed. And that had been his last contact with the life he had and which he had now become a mere survival. He was tired of crying for himself under the blankets or in front of the mirror. To feel weak because alphas shouldn't react the way he did.

He got out of the shower and wrapped the towel around his hip, deciding not to go after his clothes at least for now. He went down the hall, entered the kitchen to take the one thing that hadn't yet passed from the validity period and that could be considered edible. He sat down at the table and dropped the packet of snacks half-open in front of him, with a sigh that would be absorbed by the walls. He had no idea what to do from then on. The only thing he knew how to do now was made impossible by the lack of movement in one hand; and because of his stupid ideas, the other one ends up equally impaired, even though he was capable of the basics with it. Music never again, definitely. Nor was Woojin more inclined to like what he did. Not because he doesn't love music, but because at some point all his tastes have become meaningless.

And there he was, maybe as deep as he could get to that hole. All that because he never wanted to have a mate. He never wanted to dedicate his life entirely to anyone, he never found anyone who deserved anything that went beyond a wedding ring. It was a promise of eternal love that now more than ever he knew it didn't exist.

He heard the ring of his phone somewhere in the apartment, but he didn't remember where he had left it. He put a handful of the styrofoam and salt-flavored snacks in his hand, walking leisurely where he thought the sound was coming from. It wasn't in the bathroom or in the bedroom, maybe in the living room. He ended up returning the kitchen, where he had found the device thrown above the microwave without any use.

There were two calls from Christopher and a message. Since job offers wouldn't plummet from the sky, he was the only person who he could even hope that would remember his number.

**[13:05, 11/02] Chris:** I'm going for a walk with Berry

 **[13:05, 11/02] Chris:** Do you want to go?

Sorry, I was in the shower **[13:27, 11/02]**

Of course, where we meet? **[13:29, 02/11]**

But the year was just beginning and Woojin was sure that eventually, things would work out. Maybe because there was still someone who didn't give up at the first opportunity. Honestly, he had little idea of how they got there because of a harmless encounter in a hospital corridor. He had met too many people with too many problems during the time of coming and going through the burn ward, Dahyun was already tired of seeing him and Jihyo always asked how he was even though he never came back for the same problems. It was just the way back home and Woojin had been fortunate enough that, for someone like him, he had the opportunity to live near to the place he had been attending the most.

Christopher was just different. He was the one who started it and Woojin was just letting things happen because he didn't want to fight the tide. He remembered each meeting so far, even though it was more frequent now and then that they scheduled to do something that didn't really need company; something like Christopher helping him find someone to buy his guitar for a sufficient amount or himself helping him choose the flower that best matches with a fake brick wall. Neither of them knew the context of those outings well and it didn't really matter - that was until Woojin found the first eviction notice on his doorstep when he returned from a job interview that obviously hadn't gone well.

That whole “happiness” had lasted less than a month, which was strange in view of the fact that they already seemed to have done a lot by now - but they were probably just more constant presences in each other's lives than imagined. They could already be called friends and often, in fact, the omega referred to Woojin as his closest friend. He had even read somewhere that 90 hours was enough to create a friendship. It was strange to think that they already knew each other well enough to know how isolated they were, but not exactly what made them close to such an extent. Woojin knew his reasons and preferred that they didn't affect the best thing that had happened to him because of a psychotic break. But the walls narrowed and he was getting more and more helpless, asking for help was almost the only resource he had left, as was Christopher the only one willing to help.

They arranged to be at a point not too close or too far from either of the two residences. Christopher preferred a bookstore, even though he had already admitted to Woojin that he wasn't exactly a reading person; it seemed like something else that they had of opposites. Of course, Woojin wasn't feeding that habit, but he was no longer doing it with many others. It was also likely that this was why the book received from the omega still remained far from the other forgotten copies, more comfortably placed at the head of his bed whenever insomnia required something to entertain him.

_"New life and simple hopes"_

"You're late"

Woojin just smiled in response, considering the discussion lost even when he hadn't actually started it. It wasn't worth much, in part Christopher was even right about the need to be punctual in certain cases, but there wasn't much that could happen in the little more than five minutes he was past the scheduled time. Furthermore, it seemed that Berry was well accommodated in its waiting regardless of the owner's anxiety with mere hands on the clock moving at a mathematically dictated pace. As he approached, with a little more concentration on the puppy, Woojin could say that expectations again failed with reality, but not in a negative way. Berry only looked smaller than the photos Christopher sent him sometimes, enough to fit well on just one of the omega's thighs.

"But I'm here now, right?"

"This is Berry" Christopher introduced them formally, but without making so much movement that the animal wouldn't leave the comfort it was in. Contradictory, considering that the idea was to make her walk.

"Hello Berry, I'm Woojin"

The alpha bent down, putting his weight on his heels and bringing one hand up to the space between the ears of the little king charles spaniel. At first, Berry wasn't very receptive, indifferent would say, until she tilted her head more towards his palm, enjoying the affection she received in the little that Woojin's fingers moved healthily among the toffee fur.

"Damn, I expected her to bite you"

Despite not looking at him directly, Woojin could deduce the unveiled smile on Christopher's face, whose attention also seemed to be focused on Berry and her reaction. But with further thought, he took advantage of the alpha's distraction with the puppy to advance his hand over his, added to a faint low growl from the back of his throat followed by a childish laugh at the fright he had caused - partly in Woojin, partly in Berry herself, who only found the alpha's quickest movement strange when he automatically broke the affection.

Woojin rolled his eyes, but he believed that the small, unconscious curve in the corner of his lips could be enough to denounce him.

"Very funny, Chris" He shook his head. "I don't-"

"Woojin?"

Woojin suppressed the urge to look immediately, first trying to identify the voice he heard and conclude that it didn't come from his company - in fact, Christopher was looking over his shoulder with a neutral expression since the word hadn't been redirected to him. Woojin wished it had been, since dealing with people who didn't know him had been much easier than the idea that someone from his recent past would resurface. He moved one foot back, the weight of his body being lifted much more easily than usual to meet Jaehyun's brown eyes and the smile that, contrary to what was expected from such a gesture, upset his stomach.

"Jaehyun"

He returned the greeting with an obviously lower emotional tone, much less curious, and definitely much more discouraged. He didn't expect much from himself, but he tried to point out that even though he was part of his life before it changed so radically, Jaehyun had been out of the country for years and nothing that happened had his involvement. He couldn't blame others for his own problems.

"Hm" He kept his hands in his pocket in a discreet movement, turning briefly to Christopher and needing to lower his head to find him still holding an unreadable expression. “Christopher, Jaehyun. Jaehyun, Christopher” He spoke a little more slowly, the name of the omega more loaded and not on purpose. He was never good with foreign names.

"It's a pleasure" Christopher smiled, extending his hand to Jaehyun, being greeted with a stronger squeeze and definitely more excited than Woojin thought it was necessary.

"It's been a long time, right?" For one or the other, not enough "How is Soojin doing?"

Woojin ran his tongue over his teeth, only gaining a few seconds for the least problematic answer to emerge from the back of his throat and to have the courage to leave without sounding a tremendous lie - because, honestly, he didn't know the final answer. He didn't expect her to be as good as the rumors said, but part of him didn't want her to be as bad as his last memory of the omega. It was much more complicated than could be summed up in a few words. The certainty was that, definitely, both had been hurt, but only one had the right to openly tell its version of the story.

"Fine, I hope" He felt a shiver down his spine, his left arm seeming to relive the heat of the flames in the specific part where Woojin had started to depreciate himself. The mark still remembered it perhaps better than he had kept in his head.

"This guy is amazing, in college he was the first to start drinking and the last to stop."

When Jaehyun started to revive or just approach Christopher from an era that Woojin definitely didn't talk about, the alpha stepped back, occupying the space next to the omega with some regret. He felt as if his moment of peace had been ripped from his hands, but it was nothing really unusual for him to make it so evident in his expression. Maybe he just looked a little more drained in a few minutes than he felt in the past few months. That subject continued to resurface, even when he already considered that he had paid for everything he had done wrong - but the debts only increased and Woojin no longer knew with whom he should portray himself. Realizing the alpha's stillness, Christopher just moved his hand behind Berry's body, resting it gently on Woojin's forearm even though his attention remained on Jaehyun; just because he was polite and telling a new acquaintance to shut up was definitely not his thing.

"It was a good time, dude" Jaehyun sighed, the now nostalgic smile on his face looking satisfied. The only one, by the way, but Woojin was too tired to wither his colleague's bubble of joy.

Everything told, at some point, had already taken with laughter, positive feelings that now he just was no longer able to recognize. Everything seemed a little cloudy from the bad experiences and Woojin was unable to recover anything that was lost in the middle of the road. It was a pity that this would be another moment not associated with feelings that would be much more accepted socially.

"I have to go, but you know, we keep in touch" It wouldn't be necessary, but Woojin chose not to verbalize it in a loud and clear tone. Also, he wishes that Jaehyun didn't know things through his mouth, as harmful as it could be. Part of him wanted to remain pretending that all was well for his own sanity. "See you later" Amused, Jaehyun lightly punched Woojin's left shoulder, who no longer felt much on that side of his body to react to the height. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Christopher"

The omega blinked slowly, watching Jaehyun walk away with a wave that wasn't reciprocated by either party - his because he was still trying to understand what exactly seemed wrong in the air around him and Woojin because he wasn't comfortable with the situation, it was visible. That silence between them, after some time, had also become unusual when it came loaded with an unknown density and he didn't want the strangeness of each other's presence to return. He thought they had already gone through the stage when they didn't really know each other. Of course, Woojin seemed to carry experiences he might never share, but he didn't need it at the moment. It was very interesting for him to see how Woojin liked quiet when it was peaceful, how he had read so many books that it was difficult to quote one he didn't know; and Christopher, having his reading habit reduced to magazine articles and job requirements, was clearly far from being able to keep up with that kind of thing. That was the alpha who supported him in an unusual decision without judgment, he had nothing to complain about.

“If we don't move, she'll end up sleeping and I don't want to carry anyone the whole way” He decided to choose the safer subject, getting up to put Berry on the floor at his feet and observe the way she was swinging her ears to put herself better; after all, she was so comfortable that a little more and in fact Christopher couldn't get her to wake up. But it was only a short time before the same excitement returned, stretching the collar a little when she started to go around where it was possible. "You come?"

Woojin stared at the hand extended towards him, looking up at his elbow and then at Christopher's shoulders, finding a much softer smile on his face, pleasant compared to what Jaehyun had shown throughout the conversation - and not because any of the two would no longer be less true. He took his hand out of his pocket, placing it over the smallest of the omega that was pleased with Woojin's decision and pressed his palm lightly over his. He should enjoy it while they still had each other.

**\-- ☾** **\--**

Christopher wiped his mouth, finding increasingly difficult to deal with the bitter taste that came after each nausea - that way he would end up having to skip meals if they came out anyway, but it was a bad idea and he knew perfectly well the consequences that neglecting his health, until then impeccable, could cause for both him and the child he carried. Jeongyeon had said it was common and he wouldn't go against medical recommendations; including the one who said he shouldn't be alone for too long.

Hannah wasn't able to stay with him all day and the omega didn't want to overwhelm his mother or even himself with her excessive worry. He was fine, his body just reacted as it should, it would be weird if none of this was happening and he needed to check mentally that he was pregnant every five seconds. Christopher wasn't ill, on rare occasions he was. The indisposition was common and he tried at all costs to circumvent it with the resources he could, from taking Berry for a walk every day in the afternoon to picking up his breakfast at the bakery a little further away from home. Usually, one or the other duly accompanied.

That was why Woojin was in his apartment for the first time, much more familiar with things around him than perhaps himself when he returned down the hall and received a glass of water from the alpha's hands, standing at the entrance to the kitchen.

  
  


"Feeling better?" Unconsciously Christopher sighed as he felt Woojin's cooler hand on his forehead, brushing a few strands of hair away from his face now that the temperature was rising again with the end of winter.

"No" He frowned the space between his eyebrows, opening his eyes a little more when the touch had been interrupted. “It looks like I ran a marathon carrying a truck on my back”

“I would offer a massage, but you know how it is”

  
  


They had already overcome the discomfort of the situation, even though there were still obstacles in Woojin's relationship with everything that had happened to him - and in which Christopher had realized that it was beyond the fire-scarred skin that it once consumed enough to reduce his movements. It was a dense subject, but one that the alpha himself preferred to deal with more gently now than the martyrdom that was in the early days. Or in the months that followed. It wasn't so new anymore, but not so old that it didn't hurt. It might not be the best defense mechanism, but he was trying to get around in at least one aspect that seemed less bad than all the others. Besides, when Christopher smiled small at the comment, Woojin didn't feel so bad about just letting go.

  
  


"You still have your elbows" The omega returned his good mood, despite the feeling of roughness in the first sip, taking back what was left in the corner of his mouth back to his stomach. He didn't feel ready to eat, especially after so many nausea and the feeling that his body weighed a ton. “I feel like a paperweight” He closed his eyes again, for a few seconds. "Sorry to make you go through this"

"This what?"

"Being here looking after me" Woojin pursed his lips and Christopher blinked slowly, not knowing how to interpret the gesture "I mean, you could be doing a lot of things now"

"Believe in me, I couldn't" Christopher sighed, not necessarily believing his answer, but not insisting on it immediately "Stop apologizing for an unforeseen event. Besides that, it's very hot outside and I like the fact that your apartment has air conditioning ”

"Do you swear you're here just for some fresh air?"

"I didn't say that, you interpreted it that way"

Christopher laughed quietly, turning around to sit at the tiny, round table that took up too much space in a room as small as the kitchen. Perhaps he would need to get rid of it if the child born. He wasn't entirely positive about that pregnancy, even though he was still completely excited about the idea of having a child that he would accompany for the rest of his life. Still, he couldn't ignore the implications that kept coming back to his head and haunting him every night. He was taking a risk, paying a price too high. It was his body, theoretically not made specifically for that, but it was being induced to accept a baby that couldn't come out so naturally. He was scared, even for someone who was only a measly four months pregnant. It surprised him that he got there.

"You're thinking too much" Woojin caught his attention, forcing him to look up as he seemed so focused on the movement of the glass of water.

"How did I get here?" He asked, a lot more to himself, a lot less to the alpha who had an answer on the tip of his tongue, it just wasn't adequate. Pointing out that it had been Christopher's decision was too shallow at the time. "It's four months and nothing happened"

"That's... good?"

“Yeah, great, but the more time that passes the more I’m afraid of something really happening”

"You have arrived this far, look at the glass half full and not half empty" Woojin approached, taking the drink from the omega's hands and leaving it on the table, at a safe distance to avoid accidents. Then he pulled out his chair, sitting across from Christopher.

"I'm a mess, I didn't know it would be so difficult"

“I can't say I know how it is, but I can get an idea”

Christopher rested his cheek against the table, fortunately, cool compared to his own temperature. There didn't seem to be any abnormal elevation for that time, or certainly, Woojin would have warned of a fever during the last few minutes. He felt his mood falter dramatically. It wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear and he was irritated by it, while it was enough that it didn’t cause any physical or psychological damage just because part of his brain said no, he had no way of knowing the scale of what it passed behind his entire sulky facade. He wanted to sleep for days; he wanted to go through that phase where he felt like a balloon with too many gases and too little content since he had to reduce his meals a little for his own welfare.

"Here" Woojin raised his hips a bit, taking a small package of slightly reddish color out of his jeans pocket, leaving it on the table very close to the omega's face. Christopher unconsciously held his breath, not wanting to ride the roller coaster of his sickness again. "It's a ginger candy, it will help"

"Why do you carry a ginger candy in your pocket?"

"well, why not?"

Christopher raised his eyebrows and then brought his shoulders back slightly, but it was the first step to return to a more upright posture without very sudden movements. He brought the package a little closer, in the palm of his hand, before considering whether to try or not. He couldn't stay on an empty stomach for long and it wasn't even recommended that he try his luck. But what convinced him was the taste still under his tongue and between his teeth, with the conclusion that he couldn't keep it for the rest of the day.

"Change in candies" Woojin clarified when the omega placed the candy on his tongue. Christopher laughed softly, settling his back on the chair support. "But you still can't go without eating"

"I know," he whimpered in response, a childishly automatic reaction. "But I also don't want to keep puking any of my organs out, I need all of them"

“I gave you candy and so far you look very good to me”

Christopher tossed the candy to the corner of his mouth, pushing it against the inside of his cheeks as if he wanted to hide it. The alpha wasn't wrong and it was evident that Woojin was concerned, even though there were no very plausible reasons for him to be - but they were friends and as friends, they dealt with that kind of affection he was happy to receive. Perhaps because everyone else has their own lives, packs and Christopher really had a lot of time to think about himself. He knew that Woojin's situation wasn't the same as his, but he was grateful that he was there. It was his mistake to think that he could deal with things that he never lived alone.

"How about some tea and crackers?" Woojin suggested, seeming to have used the omega's reverie to focus on alternatives to the problem. "It's light enough for you not to have to worry about"

"What if I don't have any tea here?"

"You have, they are on the counter" Woojin pointed in the direction indicated, with a winning smile "Besides, you don't drink coffee if you have the option to not to, it would be a lucky guess"

It was strange to know that they knew each other well enough at that point so that the alpha's response sounded so naturally comfortable in the realization itself. Christopher could drink liters of water or have packets of powdered juice in the cupboard, but Woojin seemed to know it didn't work that way - he actually didn't like anything that wasn't natural and that didn't taste good even seconds after being digested, so his tea packs were accumulated in the counter next to the cutlery drawer, where he had easy reach when he needed any of them to sleep. That day he woke up with chamomile tea, which at least postponed his nausea for a few hours.

"Come on, if you help me I don't mind doing it for you"

Christopher crossed his arms at the table after indicating where each thing was for Woojin, some unnecessary since they were in sight, but it was automatic. Anyone hardly came in without knowing how he organizes himself - but the alpha was once again an exception, at first because Christopher didn't want to cancel an appointment at the last minute. Woojin moved from side to side as if he belonged to the environment, with no shyness about asking if he forgot any details. Or just because he was serving something to the owner of the house that would honestly be satisfied even if the drink placed shortly before him tasted bitter and the herbs stuck in the corner of the cup. It wasn't the case and his stomach was grateful.

"Can I ask you one thing?" Christopher brought the drink closer, the smell no longer bothering him as much as before.

"Up to two"

“That day, when we went out with Berry” The omega straightened up, clasping his hands on the cup without really knowing how to address some issues. He had promised himself that he wouldn't do it, and he really had no reason to do it, apart from the fact that everything now implied the observation that Woojin was entering too much of his life when he didn't think he was being reciprocal. He was giving too much of himself again. "Your friend seems to know you for a long time -"

"Do you want to know when I met him?" Woojin interrupted, his voice soft, but no less hesitant. He was usually confident or seemed to be after they had met over the various excuses exchanged on both sides. “In the first year of college, we entered together, but he ended up changing his degree at some point”

“It didn't seem to be just you two”

“We were somewhere around six people” He left the dishcloth beside the counter, but didn't approach, maintaining a distance that made Christopher uncomfortable no matter how well he hid it. Maybe he was only seeing things where his paranoia wanted him to see, but that didn't really exist. "Most formed their own pack, some left the country, that kind of thing"

"Was Soojin part of your group?"

Woojin was silent, having been unable to hold his expression in front of the omega at the mention of that name. He felt comfortable in front of Christopher to not have thought that this question would come - but at the same time, part of him hoped they would get into that discussion. Soojin had only been mentioned once, with Jaehyun having made it clear how much in his life she was part of when it was his colleague's first doubt, obviously that at some point he would have to let Christopher be more a part of his life than he was allowing. Woojin was conscious, terribly conscious, to the point of knowing that if he made everything so visible he would go away like everyone else.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to"

"No, it's okay, she was a friend, that's all"

"Don't you talk anymore?"

It was difficult to say, the story was much more complex and not in the way that Christopher's expression could have expected him to tell. At the same time, he felt that he was sabotaging himself when he didn't allow others to hear him. When he kept silent on his own, he was feeding something inside him that would eventually make him explode because he was no longer able to hold a cry of pain hidden by the calm that was irreverent of the loneliness in which he was placed. But even if he wanted to cry, ask for forgiveness, beg to be given one more chance, everything was congested by pride and the fear of not being taken seriously because it wasn't really a problem. For him, it never was.

"No" He concluded, "I think she already had too much of me"

"Did you like her?"

"I don't know"

The omega rested a hand below his face, trying to decipher what Woojin wasn't saying. Maybe it was a relationship that didn't work out, Christopher has had several of those who still kept him in a suspicious mood with certain romances - or that made him give up his love life instead because he didn't really need that as another topic of excessive concern. His parents had never charged him for that, either, although his intuition told him it was because they didn't believe anyone would want to deal with him. And being more inclined to maintain interest in alphas than omegas has become the least of the problems.

"Why did you want to talk about her right away?"

"Your friend made it look like she is really important to you" Christopher hesitated, although there was no trace of hostility in Woojin's question. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked"

"I already said that it's fine"

Christopher blinked slowly, in silence. Woojin had also made no move to continue, staring at his feet as he crossed his arms in defense. The limits have always been there, but not as visible as they were now. Again he felt distant. He felt as if his passage was being denied and he understood that all of it must hurt in ways he was unable to incorporate into the theory. There was an abyss of experiences that separated them. Still, the omega got up, taking the cup with him without taking a single sip before leaving it near the sink. He had no intention of abandoning the drink, but only to keep it close when he stood in front of Woojin and undid the knot in his arms to place himself between them. It was their first hug, even when the alpha congratulated him about the pregnancy. Even when they said goodbye to the other in their meetings. It was the first time that he could properly hear how low Woojin's heart beat compared to his own. It was broken, but it's okay. His heart has never been whole, either.

"I'm going to apologize anyway," He reinforced, with his arms around Woojin's waist and his chin on his shoulder. "I'm stubborn that way."

**\-- ☾** **\--**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry, I just– I just want to leave, Hannah, please don't ask anything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter, sorry
> 
> TW: mention of domestic violence and suicidal thoughts

" **I** f you pull it more I'll go bald" Hannah knitted her eyebrows, looking at her reflection in the mirror with the same sulky expression Christopher remembered when she was six years old - not that she hadn't been doing the same thing during her teenage years too.

Each kid had his own way of convincing their parents of the most absurd things possible, he himself had already used his helpfulness as a bargaining chip at some point. But he knew each of his siblings and ended up rolling his eyes with the youngest's slightly insensitive words. He never had to learn to braid anyone's hair before, since it was his mother who was in charge of getting Hannah ready for school and now she clearly could have managed on her own. He released the brown strands of the omega and took a deep breath, tapping his fingertips on his forehead in frustration.

"Why can't you just make a ponytail or something?"

"Is that what you're going to say to your baby?"

"Hannah" He scolded, taking a few steps back and sitting on the bed, a little more careful now that his belly was more visible; but in a realistically way, after all, he was still exercising and couldn't underestimate his own muscles. They were able to camouflage the entry of the fifth month of pregnancy very well. "I don't even know if this is going to somewhere, besides, I always solved this type of thing with a haircut and a cap"

"Sorry" Hannah answered with a small smile, undoing her brother's progress to build a simpler braid herself. "But you're being very negative, you're already a father, even though this child isn't born yet." She straightened up in the chair, turning half of her body toward Christopher. "You're already taking care of it by the time it started to develop inside your belly"

"It hasn't moved yet"

“Jeongyeon said it would be in the fifth month, didn't she? You just entered it, be patient.” The omega waved her hand and stood up, holding it out in the direction of her brother. Slightly grudgingly and as sulky as Hannah minutes before, Christopher accepted, getting up and reaching for the cross bag in the corner of the room. It was Wednesday, but this time the schedule would be different just because Hannah wanted it that way - and with college classes resumed, Christopher no longer had as much time with her as he wished. "At least you waited to set up the layette, I'm looking forward to it"

"We aren't going to buy anything, okay?" He warned, heading down the hall to the living room, where he picked up the car keys on the coffee table. He wasn't willing to walk that far. "I haven't even started taking things out of the guest room yet"

"Wouldn't it be better to move to a bigger place?"

"Don't even start, Hannah"

Maybe she was right, maybe that apartment, however spacious, was still enough for just one person. Christopher was two now, ate for two, lived for two. As much as he wasn't sure and he was afraid of the future of his pregnancy, he needed to trust that it would work well enough not to receive his little puppy with empty hands, without any preparation. That was why he had accepted to cross the city in one of the places that his mother had indicated for the preparation of the layette, but that during the entire walkthrough stores and malls he didn't feel really confident in what he was doing.

The problem wasn't in not having a partner with whom to share that kind of event, even if he thought support was more than necessary - his chaotic hormones weren't able to hold the emotional wave with his feet on the ground. He no longer felt in control and everything was too uncertain for anyone who always put every small detail of his routine on paper in an organized manner. Currently, he found himself frequently undoing appointments, he was too tired, overly sensitive, and even though it wasn't a novelty even before his pregnancy, Christopher was still crying too much. _Really too much._

“Can we have a drink? I feel like I need a break ” He suggested to his sister when they passed the store closest to a small corner, in which across the street he could see a coffee shop. Hannah was sensitive enough to notice the omega's insecurity and had no problem with giving Christopher her arm when they went to the establishment, with her suggesting the best possible dessert on the menu superficially hung in the window.

"I place an order and you choose the table, I'll be right back"

Hannah let go of him, walking over to the counter while Christopher spotted a table not so close to the door or even the kitchen. He didn't want to deal with a lot of noise and luckily the movement inside wasn't maddening - probably that's why he recognized one of the voices among a group of people about his age, he supposed, who was talking in an indignant tone that didn't necessarily mean an argument; all of them seemed to be in full consensus.

Christopher could have heard it only once, but Jaehyun's voice seemed to have stayed in his head, in his subconscious, long enough to search for the face it belonged to. He considered greeting him, as he wasn't a total stranger but stopped when he was able to translate more automatically which had previously been just a buzz.

"I didn't think he would be able to do that... and to think that I was friendly with that coward..." Jaehyun snarled at his friends that just agreed, each giving their version of whatever they were talking about.

"Soojin did well to drop him, she could only have done that early" Added one of the omegas on the table, with evident disdain in her voice. Christopher stepped back and sat with his back to the table, a safe distance away so he could still hear what it was about. He had a bad feeling and didn't like how much it made him anxious, uncomfortable. "I told her before, he drank too much, but she never heard me"

“It wasn't her fault” He didn't know how to identify the voice, but he didn't think it mattered, “No one asks to be beaten, Miyeon”

"I heard he made her face hideous," Miyeon continued, not necessarily disagreeing. “But his parents threw him out of the house and are taking care of her. Ridiculous, he should pay for what he did ”

“He paid a bail,” A click of a tongue and a third voice, until then quiet.

"I was really a fool, but I feel sorry for the alpha who was with him the day we met" Jaehyun didn't necessarily deviate from the subject, but Christopher stiffened his shoulders, watching Hannah smile at the attendant when she received orders at the counter. "If not even we know Woojin that well..."

The omega stood up, not bothering to be dragging the chair too loud into a relatively quiet environment when he crossed the coffee shop, pulling Hannah by the arm toward the outside. His car was far away, but that didn't stop him from taking a quick walk until he was stopped by the bumpy of his little sister, completely confused with both plastic cups luckily closed. He hadn't decided on anything to eat and it was a good decision, looking now.

"Chris. Christopher. Bang Chan! ” Hannah raised her voice, calling Christopher by the alternative name given by his grandparents. The omega took a deep breath and released his sister's forearm, with an extra sigh.

"I'm sorry, I just– I just want to leave, Hannah, please don't ask anything" He begged in a choked voice, his hands sweaty like never before. He felt anxiety rising in his throat, an urge to scream stuck under his tongue. He knew that he shouldn't make judgments about what he didn't understand and by something he had heard when he shouldn't, but at the moment he was unable to think clearly and just wanted to escape from all problems. "Can you drive and drop me at home?"

"Right ..." The omega drops her arms, leaving the warmer drink in her brother's hand. Tea always calmed him down and she had already realized how bad things were early that day; she just didn't think it would get worse. "You don't have to tell me anything, but I'll be with you for the rest of the day, whether you want it or not."

**\-- ☾** **\--**

Woojin removed all the clothes from the closet at once, not worrying too much about folding each one when he just tossed them in the biggest suitcase he had, counting what was left behind. It didn't really matter. Even if he had nowhere to go, not even half of his belongings would fit in a rented university room. He was constipated with feelings that he didn't know how to name, but loneliness was an old acquaintance to ignore it at that point. He was irritated because he was unable to understand how things had turned into a self-deprecating spiral again, with his demons coming out of their respective hiding places, finding more comfort in his tense shoulders.

He stepped back and sat down on the edge of the unmade bed, the sheets, blankets, and pillows sealed in one of the cardboard boxes in the corner of the room. At least with everything he had sold, he managed to pay off much of what he owed in accumulation since his resignation. And yet, Woojin hadn't cried. It hadn't happened in a while. Not that he was unable to produce enough tears to throw a tantrum like a five-year-old, but it was likely that he had no energy left to do so. The past few days had been chaotic, even though everything that had happened had already been predicted by his mind balanced between drunken realism and sober pessimism.

Christopher had disappeared. He didn't answer his calls or his messages and Woojin no longer felt comfortable going to his door knowing that he wouldn't be received, after all, he had all his attempts at approach repelled until then. The last person had finally done what he expected it to do. He shouldn't be so upset about it.

Was he really upset about it?

He didn't understand why he couldn't put out everything that was stuck in his throat when there was no longer a single soul capable of not judging him by whatever he did. His existence had proven to be miserable. It wasn't worth the effort. There were so many mistakes that could no longer be corrected with an apology that wasn't really relevant. But why couldn't he cry? To beg as a last resort? Why couldn't he seek help - even if he thought there was really no one who could help him?

He put his hands over his face with some aggression, letting out a raspy, broken scream against his palms. It was unfair, he had done nothing wrong - or almost so. In the end, guilt stuck its claws in his chest and didn't let him sleep for days, thinking that it was necessary for him to relive his most violent reactions in what he found unable to express in another way. And he unconsciously decided that the way out was to repeat his most cowardly gesture, getting up and throwing the lamp against the wall, knocking over the nightstand, breaking the wardrobe. He screamed until his throat ran dry, until he could no longer bear that facade for absolutely anyone.

But he wasn't able to get rid of the silence that immediately followed, nothing had really changed either. Woojin didn't expect anything and yet he was disappointed. He ran a hand through his greasy, tangled hair, not finding what was necessary that wouldn't convince him that it might be better to stop there. At some point, maybe he had promised himself that he wouldn't, that living was the only thing he still had. The world was so big, but inside that room, everything seemed small, limited. And it hurt not to have the prospect of how to get over it again.

He was paralyzed and his next move could have been the last.

He lost track of the time as he keeps stagnant at the foot of the bed, staring at a fixed point on the wall, drawing air again and again until his heart stopped beating in his ears and his hands were no longer shaking. With no equal conception of space, he took a simple step to the side, feeling that he shouldn't and didn't want to move beyond that. Jihyo had told him last time that at moments like that he should try to empty his head, concentrate on how his chest rose and fell, how the traffic was outside, how the wind swung on the curtains, or hit the window edges. Everything would be fine, regardless of the feeling of being so close to the abyss and madness whispering close to his ears that he had nowhere else to go.

Going against his own observation, Woojin moved again, feeling as if each os his members weighed too much. He took slow steps out of the room, down the hall, through the kitchen. The cutlery was already packed, the pots were stacked and the cupboard was really empty, having lived for a time only with what he could pay already cooked. But the alpha insisted on opening the drawer, pulling out the packet of cigarettes that he considered leaving behind in an idea that now seemed stupid to clean himself of what he knew it was impure; many of his actions in the past six months had started with the same naive, empty intention. Woojin took a deep breath, supporting only one between the lips handled with his left hand while his right, much more apt, again controlled the fire where he wanted it to burn. That time without visible damage.

Woojin took the cigarette out of his mouth with a bitter taste and burning nostrils as the smoke passed through his throat, feeling strange after trying to get rid of it. He didn't feel more comfortable or uncomfortable with it, he felt like it was just the rest of what was once a whole thing. Or he liked to think that he was at some point really complete for the missing part of himself to be so missed.

It was on the third drag, much more hurriedly than it should have been, that he heard the muffled knocking on the door, hoping he wouldn't be expelled earlier for doing what he did with the windows half-closed. The fire alarm, apparently, would only serve for a single moment in which he had already done the honor of using. Woojin wouldn't set the house on fire by accident, he was too cautious for that. He blew the smoke as he unlocked the padlocks, taking a step back as he opened the door.

"Can we talk?" Christopher asked in a small voice, hugging his own body, looking hesitant with whatever he had to say. Woojin was exhausted and could no longer hide that he was at his limit.

**\-- ☾** **\--**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes being wanted is enough”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took all the care in the world to translate this chapter, and still found mistakes when I reread it at the last minute. I found out that my English sucks and I apologize. Go at your own risk. 
> 
> T.W.: mention of sexual harassment, mention of abuse, mention of suicide and suicidal thoughts

**T** hey were strangers again. So fast for a relationship that had been built very slowly. In fact, Woojin no longer knew if he believed in what they were before. Perhaps it was a daydream of two people with low priorities, as they were hardly accompanied by someone outside the pack itself - this much more focused on Christopher since Woojin's pack didn't show much interest in his well-being. Still, with the doubts not put out loud, but established in the silence of the apartment's entrance to the center of the living room, the alpha preferred to keep a safe distance. He opened the window and leaned on the stool, keeping his hand out with his cigarette while Christopher sat on the sofa, visibly uncomfortable.

"I didn't know you smoked" The omega pointed it out after looking for so long around him, but always returning to Woojin and his position of very little movement.

"You don't know much about me"

Woojin wasn't being rude, he was highlighting a fact. He also didn't know himself anymore, he risked saying that he never really knew who he was or what he would be capable of. Christopher had been kept behind the curtains because he knew he would react like everyone else. It would always be his fault because he is an alpha, and alphas should never allow that kind of thing to happen. Let someone control and poison your life until it becomes nothing more than the splinters of a future that no longer exists.

“Apparently not” Christopher crossed his arms, not knowing how to approach what he wanted, nor knowing how to recognize if it was the right time. He was anxious, again, as in the past few days. Each message received stuck in his throat in what he had no name for but was still acid in his veins. It left something bad under his tongue. Denial hadn't had time to develop into neutrality, or to tangle with disgust. Yet. “Woojin” He called, but without receiving an answer or a simples gesture “Woojin, what did you do?”

"Is your concern really about what I did and not what they did to me?"

The alpha held the cigarette in his mouth, taking a long drag while the omega questioned his answer. Christopher had no thought about what exactly was going on in the other's head, and whether if that fit with worrying about Woojin or the consequences of what he had done. Or rather, what Jaehyun and his friends had said and that he never had traces of the same words in the alpha's mouth. Was he putting the cards in the right place on the table?

"It's unbelievable" Woojin rubbed his left hand over his face, feeling his own rough palm on his cheeks "You already know what I did -"

"I'm not talking about your arm or the scars on your wrist" Christopher's voice had dropped considerably, halted by fear of something. Anything at that point. "Woojin, what did you do with Soojin?"

"I don't want to know what you were told, but I have a hunch"

Woojin stubbed out his cigarette on the ledge of the window, walking away without looking at his company, as he returned to the kitchen looking for the abandoned pack on the table. He lit another one right there, no matter if his strength had crushed one or another cigarette, it didn't make them less likely to be lit. His hands were shaking, his eyes were burning and his shoulders ached with such tension in the muscles.

“She is the victim, I'm the guilty,” He said when he returned, still keeping a certain distance “And you believed, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Yes, this is what happened, you can leave like all of them did ”

"Stop that, you're not a child, neither am I" Christopher wrinkled his nose for the smoke, as the alpha went back to the window "I want to hear from you, not from people I know nothing about"

"But they aren't lying"

"You don't know what they said –"

"I beat the shit out of her, Christopher, is that what you wanted to hear?" Woojin moved his arms with much more effort than he could without feeling any physical pain, but it seemed less relevant at the moment his body decided to charge the abuse it had been suffering from him. “I felt her bone break under my hands and her blood on my fingers. I was arrested for that, I lost my job for that, I lost my entire pack for that! ” The tone of his voice increased, with an evident break as he had to list only the beginning of the consequences of his actions. “She ruined my life, I have nothing! I can't have anything else! I'm a monster, don't you understand? I could have killed an omega - “

"What she did to you?"

"Chris -"

"What did she do to you?" He repeated the question, swallowing. "I know you wouldn't do that"

"What makes you think that way?"

“Since the beginning, I gave you plenty of reasons to be hostile to me and you weren't. You said that she ruined your life and I want to know how. I don't want to stop listening to your side just because you don't want me to know, stop pushing me away ”

Christopher pursed his lips and sighed, knowing he wouldn't receive an answer when Woojin put his cigarette back in his mouth but didn't necessarily inhale in the first few seconds. He had his head down, his long brown hair being enough to hide his face from where the omega could see. Christopher dragged his hips forward when he heard a choked sob and an immediate reaction from the alpha, who until then had only shown aggression and fear about something he didn't want to say. But they could no longer pretend that nothing had happened. It was so obvious how much it hurt him, and how difficultly what he took the blame for would really be just a callous attitude. He stood up, not exactly trying to contain his steps as he consciously approached Woojin, taking the cigarette from his hand and throwing it out the window before he could wrap his arms around him, allowing the alpha to cry as he had never done in his life - or in a way that the omega didn't expect to see anytime soon.

"She couldn't have done this to me," Woojin murmured between sobs, his body huddled in the omega's embrace as if he was trying to disappear.

“It's going to be okay, it's fine” Christopher slid his hand lightly over Woojin's back, trying to calm him down for more than a few minutes before he managed to sound clear and understanding again.

"I had told her that I didn't want anything, she was my friend, my best friend"

As worried as he was, Christopher didn't think it was safe to move Woojin too far from where they were, as the alpha started shaking from head to toe, sobs still intense and voice choked, wet and broken, filled with a pain that Christopher could almost feel even if he didn't understand the whole story yet. It was a matter of time, something told him. Christopher carefully brought both bodies down and held him against his chest, without necessarily breaking the hug or forcing Woojin to maintain any kind of eye contact. He just wanted him to feel safe.

"I shouldn't have drunk that much that day" Woojin shrugged his legs, hands back to his face, but without holding back the volume of his words. As much as he didn't want to say, aware of the memories the words brought for him, it was necessary. Christopher had a right to know, didn't he? “I knew she liked me, but I-I thought we already talked about it. She marked me when nobody looked, s-she abused me when I couldn't defend myself! ”

The crying came out of control again, the pain draining all of his energy, whether it was good or bad. Christopher closed his embrace a little more, placing a hand in gentle caress on Woojin's sweaty hair, removing it from his face even though the omega didn't want to look at him if he didn't want him to do it - probably the reason why Woojin remained so small against him. He was sorry, he felt so much and now that he understood enough, no matter how much, he still knew it wasn't that “simple". Christopher grew up hearing that being marked was the most important moment in anyone's life. It was like to swear eternal love, it means dedicate the rest of your life to someone, with whom you want to share every special time of it. It was a cause for happiness, not pain. Something so intimate shouldn't hurt like that.

"Woojin -"

"I-I don't remember marking her back, I know I wouldn't do that" Woojin kept going, stepping over the omega's whispered voice “And she kept showing up everywhere, saying that we were already together and I couldn't deny it because everyone could see. But I didn't do that, I didn't want that, I wanted her to stay away from me, w-why didn't she l-leave me alone?” Christopher didn't know what to expect, but he remained silent, listening. “S-She introduced herself to my parents and I had never seen my mom so happy, but I wasn't. I just wanted her to disappear, I wanted her to stop saying that we were made for each other, that I would never have a-anyone again if it weren't her ”

"For Luna's sake," Christopher murmured under his breath, resting his cheek on the alpha's head, feeling his whole face tingle and his vision blur.

“And she kept touching me, in front of everyone. I-I wanted to rip the mark off my arm, I-I had tried everything” Woojin was no longer crying and the sobs had reduced, but the pain continued to flow from every word, from every event, from every second. “I couldn't take it anymore and one day I just let it go. I was a-angry, tired, nobody heard me and e-everything was always my fault. If she was sad or angry, I was the one to blame, even when she said I was stupid and worthless. I wish I had done a lot more, I wish I had broken her neck, taken every inch of her away from me -“

“Woojin, Woojin, look at me” Christopher repositioned himself more comfortably, although he could easily feel the tension and the state of aggression in the alpha's words. Still, he didn't want to take any chances of trouble and decided to calm him down, removing one hand from Woojin's shoulder to wipe his wet cheeks. "It's over, I believe you," Christopher murmured softly. "Where did she mark you?" He asked, with slight apprehension, but at the same time confident, since Woojin had confined to him each one of that pieces of information, regardless of his charged emotional state. As predicted, the alpha moved his arms minimally, pulling the left sleeve of his shirt up to the elbow, where the skin corroded by the fire hadn't completely disappeared with the depth of the mark. Gently, Christopher put his hand on it, in a caress that he wasn't sure Woojin would feel. "I had no idea, I'm sorry"

"You have nothing to do with it, it's not your problem," Woojin replied self-consciously, not trying to push him away, but clearly putting him out of the position of helping. Perhaps not realizing how destructive his defense was. His eyes remained on the smaller hand in his arm, Christopher lightly closing his fingers over the mark, keeping it away from his attention. "I didn't want to get you into this story -"

"I'm really glad that you told me about it”

The omega straightened up again, agreeing with himself that the position he was in was the least positive for a pregnant person, so he stretched his legs, supporting his back against the wall. His shoulder was still squeezed against Woojin's, as his fingers moved down his forearm to his hand, interlacing their fingers with much more automatically than in a premeditated action. But Woojin had welcomed it, even though many of his movements weren't in his control.

At that moment, Christopher decided not to think about the fact that he didn't really have the two-sided version - Jaehyun and his group were third parties, unable to put themselves in the shoes of their long-time friend, not as much as they seemed to sympathize with Soojin's version. And even though he wanted to know what she had to say about the situation, he was content to believe in the one person he really knew of all the supporting actors. He believed in Woojin and it was evident, now more than ever, how much he needed someone to do it.

"It means a lot to know that you trust me the same way I trusted you" He pointed out, feeling Woojin's body dense as the alpha took a deep breath, leaning towards him and resting his head on the omega's shoulder.

Both were exhausted, each for their own reason. The feeling of abandonment conflicts with that of isolation. While Woojin didn't seem to have any other option, Christopher just decided to draw limits on the access to what he had. His life, his choices, his past, present and future. It had taken time, but Woojin had opened the door for his feelings wide open, all at once, while the omega had been doing it little by little. They still knew less about each other than expected from a friendship, in theory, but he was satisfied with the immense step, taken in that empty room on a weekday. They had all the time in the world, or so it seemed.

"Do you want help moving?"

"No, not now."

**\-- ☾** **\--**

"It's a _very_ small space" Christopher wrinkled his nose, kicking the suitcase under the bed to occupy the new open space with the lighter boxes he held. Much had left the apartment and very little had made it to the single room. “But at least the owner of the house is nice. What's her name again?”

“Taeyeon”

The alpha leaned against the door, leaving the keys on the only nightstand without any item, even for decoration. The mattress on the bed was bare, but in great condition, and the pallet just creaked a bit with any weight – especially if it was the weight of an adult expecting a baby, who was already influencing too much in the scale numbers. Beyond that, as much as it was a little claustrophobic, it wasn't a bad place. Christopher was comfortable with the inevitable proximity, being able to feel Woojin's thigh bump into his knee whenever he passed. He shrugged his legs, holding his heels as he accompanied the alpha move again, with malleable naturalness to any space.

And then he sat down. Christopher began to question whether his whole body would fit there.

"How do you feel?" Asked the omega, not necessarily concerned, but curious. They hadn't taken up the subject so directly in the past two days, just concentrating on moving Woojin's things to a rented container or the makeshift room, at the back of an old tailor's house.

"How long have you been holding that question?" Christopher sighed, dragging his hips to the headboard, where he supported his sore back. "I'll be fine, I already said that"

"It wasn't exactly what I asked, but I will count it as an answer"

"It could be worse, maybe" Woojin reflected the other's position, bending his knees and moving closer until he was facing the omega, placing his hands in the vacant space between his heels. "Much worse"

"I was afraid to leave after our conversation"

"Chris, I'm an adult –"

"Who tried twice and I'm glad that you didn't succeed"

The word didn't come out, implicit in the conversation just to not make Woojin uncomfortable with the memory; but it didn't bother the alpha to hear "suicide" being said so clearly. Perhaps because Woojin hadn't used it, everything still looked like a hallucination, something he had seen somewhere, out of context. He knew that pretty well.

“You can say suicide out loud, it's not a curse” He pointed out, moistening his lips before looking away into his own hands, just as they would be from then on. Not very efficient, but at least he still had them. "And I need to hear"

"I don't know how bad this can sound" Christopher straightened his posture, adjusting his baseball cap so that the brim was on the back, keeping his vision of the alpha very clear. "But I ... I can't think of not seeing you again at this point"

And the reasons were many. Woojin could have been just another person, with whom he had a random conversation in an empty moment of his life, within his routine. Like some omega, who asked him for information about which path corresponded to a given address or that old alpha, who wished him a good morning near the subway steps. They continued to meet, opening up to each other in a way that Christopher didn't even remember the last time he had managed to get someone to stay. Someone that was so present. Someone who had hidden his problems under the carpet, just to someone else feels comfortable talking about his own troubles. Christopher felt selfish to never had tried to listen to Woojin beyond the basic until his own destiny took charge of making him listen. By screams, during an ocean of tears that seemed to be trapped for a long time.

Woojin was so important. Even if compared to longtime friends, he was still the briefest daydream.

"Why would that be bad?"

"I can't make someone stay just because I care about them" It was a phrase that might have hurt some moral precepts because of the topic covered, but Christopher knew that saying he wanted the alpha by his side was, sometimes, not enough for him to wake up for all the days left in his life. Maybe for two or three more, maybe for a few months or very few years. He wanted Woojin alive, without a shadow of a doubt, but above all, to be happy with what the world could still offer to him. "And I know that just saying how I want things to work isn't enough to make them change"

“Sometimes being wanted is enough”

Woojin moved to the headboard, choosing to sit next to the omega while bringing his legs closer to his chest, crossing his heels. Looking around, it was a really very small space. It was difficult that, with the bed and the small closet, it was possible to put two people side by side in what was left of the unoccupied room. As they carried the boxes into the room, two bodies like theirs were unable to occupy the same amount, unless it were that way, on the bed, one shoulder touching the other and so close that they could feel the heat of each. It was comforting to know that they were no longer alone.

“I can't promise you that it will be different just because you said you care about me. I can't give you half of what you probably expect from me, I couldn't even keep my own expectations ” And Woojin had many of them. He had been someone with many plans and convictions until he realized that it was impossible to work on them completely alone. Nothing depended on him alone, on his strength, on his determination. Sometimes, some stones on the way couldn't just be bypassed, or able to be removed without a pair of extra hands. “I know that what I did was wrong, they proved it to me more times than I can count. I feel guilty, but there's no way to ask forgiveness from someone who wouldn't do the same for me.”

"You don't live for me, Woojin" Christopher put one hand over the other, unconsciously playing with the ring on one of his fingers. "You know, you're still in control of some things"

"What do you mean?"

“That I want to be in your life, be part of it, but not be the reason for you to stay alive. I want to hold your hand so you don't fall, not have to teach you how to walk”

"This is a great analogy for your baby"

Christopher laughed softly, making the alpha's smile, doesn't matter how small it was. It was still a sincere one. Although the situation wasn't the most positive, Woojin hadn't lost his mind or completely surrendered himself with the idea that nothing had a solution. Obviously, the notion of not having an immediate answer made him anxious, an animal trapped by his own choices. Some things didn't heal overnight – the time he had spent in hospitals in the last year had taught him that patience was a gift, in small or large conquests. If Woojin was alive, there must be some way to, at least, avoid what wanted him dead. He knew that he used his own image because it was the only thing capable of giving him both, a problem and a solution. If it had started in him, it would end in him. Maybe he just needed to learn not to take that kind of generalized logic so literally.

"I think it heard you"

Woojin turned his eyes to Christopher's hands, now resting on his own belly, over the black cotton t-shirt. The omega seemed concentrated on the movements beneath his skin, the same smile plastered between his dimples, so visible without trying to hide a positive thing from the whole story. Woojin felt that this child couldn't have had any more luck.

"Give me your hand" Christopher asked as he held out his own palm, receiving in a not-so-fearful way the only one from Woojin still capable of feeling anything, even if it also required greater movement of his body when placing the right hand on the one of the omega. Christopher positioned his fingers directly over the height of his stomach first, gradually accommodating the rest of his hand until he noticed a small popple between the index and the middle finger.

He couldn't say exactly why, but he felt at peace. His chest warm by something as simple as a small life appearing very close to him – and as much as it was common knowledge, Woojin had never experienced it in practice. He had never felt so close to someone who hadn't even been born yet.

Christopher wasn't his reason for living and he still wasn't sure if he had one. Goals were hard to achieve, and Woojin felt like he was reborn after the fire he had started. He didn't know the day of his death or how it would happen, he wasn't even sure if he wanted it to happen anymore. Maybe he could wait a little bit if that was the case.

"I think I can hold on for a while," He said after a few moments, bringing the omega's attention back to him. "I will wait to see your child."

**\-- ☾** **\--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you understood, without me needing to explain, the importance of marking a mate


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your mistakes damage my image.

“ **W** e need to get off at Cheongnyangni -“

Woojin looked up but didn't move. He listened to the conversation of two omegas at his side, previously without paying so much attention until he realized he was close to his stop, just one more station until he got off at Heogi. He faced his own hands, interlacing his fingers and pressing them in and out, still joined. He had enough time to overthinking but ended up with an empty head, focused on his own anxiety, and on the desire to cross the platform to resume all the way he had traveled so far.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to be doing that, if he was even really willing to, in the first place. Leaving the house hadn't been a problem, but with each step, the anxiety increased and breathing seemed more difficult. The air was dense, everything around him seemed too much. He had rehearsed an entire speech at home that he was fully aware that wouldn't be said, and before he even tried, he was again going back to his comfort zone where he allowed himself to enter a hostile environment, just because it wasn't socially acceptable to have bad relations with the pack.

One part of him believed that everything had been a misunderstanding that needed to be explained – but the other part said that it wasn't as easy in practice as in theory. Woojin had no idea how to justify the unjustifiable when the first time he said he was wrong and he was sorry, it didn't seem like it was enough to regain ties with his parents. He was the one to blame because alphas were like that. He had the stigma in his skin that he wasn't the one to be trusted and was always wrong. He was never sincere enough because alphas showed no feelings.

Woojin was full of them and no one ever really managed to clarify how they worked, what name to give for each little tightness in the chest, each suspicious sensation, each drop of sweat that ran down his spine. No one has ever been able to explain the aggression that came without reason, the sadness at inappropriate times, the constant emptiness coupled with an insane feeling of overflowing on all sides. Woojin, in fact, has never been good at expressing himself and has never had a problem with being clear and straightforward – but this at times when fear didn't serve as a wall and he could no longer think clearly.

He doubted he would be taken seriously if he were as honest as he believed he was capable of. Even his most objective words were always viewed with second and third intentions. He felt the distance from an abyss related to those who had always been his pedestal as if the whole situation had built up an immense wall, from which the effort of climbing wasn't worth it, but he kept doing. Because, maybe if he shouted from the top, he might somehow be heard.

He stood up, looking in the direction of the omegas without having noticed the exact moment when they left a station before, their space now occupied by a couple a little older. He waited for the doors to open, allowing himself to be guided by the crowd, his feet carrying invisible weights as he dragged his heels across the floor. Woojin felt the back of his neck sweating and it was uncomfortable to be in a part of the town that didn't exactly have a reason to be hotter than the rest of it, but it ended up even more sultry when he had responsibilities like the ones he carried.

Each step had an extra bag of questions that should be addressed, but very possibly it wouldn't. Maybe it was better if he just asks how things went at home, with the pack, without touching Soojin's name independently if it was the reason for him to have crossed the city. Looking at the map, just outside the staircase in the subway, Woojin concluded that he was increasingly distant from the place where he grew up, consciously or not, taking root in another environment, now with other people.

From that perspective, he wondered if it would be better to stay the way he was. If convince himself that his pack as "dead" would be better or worse. The truth was that it started to get complicated to pretend that it didn't hurt the absence of such important people in his life. To put an expression on his face that showed that he was okay by isolating himself from a structure that has always been so essential to him, as something more than the empty body he felt himself to be now. Woojin wasn't very fond of the idea of lying, and on that point, he had been honest with Christopher. Being wanted was enough, but there was no guarantee that he would feel more complete because of it. He waited for a feeling he no longer remembered the last time he felt.

As people came and go, Woojin stared at the map again before heading towards the slightly narrow exit, going to the even more empty streets; especially near the old Kyunghee University. He hoped he would find her across the street, always in that flowered dress and her light brown hair tied in a bun.

For Woojin, his mother would always be the most beautiful omega of all. It was likely that he was influenced by the immense affection he felt since he was a child for the one who was always with him at all times, the one who flourished the best of himself and made him want to be a decent alpha – but of course, Woojin had failed in the premise and it was difficult to deal with the disappointment that came with his cowardly attitudes. She didn't want to receive him anymore. It was clear to him that his memories were being slowly erased.

After all, she hadn't even appeared and in the same place, a few steps away, Woojin just met his father's cold eyes, not disappointed and not surprised. It was like he didn't exist. He was a stranger. Just one more case for a retired lawyer.

**\-- ☾** **\--**

His coffee had already cooled and he didn't felt like drinking it anymore. If he needed to point the exact moment he gave up it was probably fifteen minutes ago, just staring at the hot steam become nothing, and the moisture on the side of the cup disappear. Despite the insistent noise of cars outside or what was expected from the movement of a coffee shop, Woojin had the impression that he was deaf. The silence between them was much louder than any scream.

Yoon Doojoon was a serious, respected alpha, exuding his confidence behind an expensive linen suit and a firm tone of voice. Woojin never considered him to be a bad father, his role in his life, however, was simply to be there, in his field of vision without taking decisions about absolutely nothing. It was one of the reasons why it was so difficult, at that moment, for either of them started a conversation; that would surely end with Woojin regretting what he didn't even have control over.

And he felt watched, the older alpha's eyes leaving his shoulders tense, showing without much action that Woojin was ridiculously small. Pathetic.

"I'm not disappointed with you" Doojoon seemed to notice what was going on in his head, adjusting his own cup on the table before bringing one of the napkins to his mouth. "A little bit with myself, maybe." Woojin remained silent, staring at his own hand, busy in moving the spoon in his cold drink. "Where did I go wrong with you, Woojin?"

He sighed, unable to answer. In part, he asked himself the same question, but he didn't blame his parents for the way he acted. And to say that it hadn't been his “real self” was bullshit. He had reacted very consciously to place the blame on something completely imaginary, such as an inner persona, instinct, or something merely similar. At least Doojoon had taught him to carry the responsibilities of everything he did on his own shoulders, even though he had nowhere to let go of that same weight for the rest of his life. Just resolving anything in court wasn't enough to wipe the blood off his hands.

“You had the best upbringing, you were so well-bred” Doojoon lamented, not sounding really concerned about Woojin but rather about himself. "What happened to you?"

"I'm so sorry -"

"It's not enough"

"I know it's not." Woojin looked up and leaned closer to the chair, putting the coffee aside. His mouth was dry, but it wouldn't be what would make it much more likely to say anything with real feeling. Woojin just felt tired, without the strength to actually argue. He ended up waiting for himself to do that, anything about nothing. "But I already paid for what I did, what else do you want me to do?"

“Be like the alpha I created you to be” _Swallow everything until you explode._ It wasn't a good example, looking now. "Strong with his enemies, careful with his omega -"

"She's not my omega" Woojin cut in, visibly uncomfortable with that assignment. He took a deep breath. “And this isn't a war field, dad, I have no enemies. Not even you. The most that can happen is someone stealing a case from you and what does it matter? It's not like you're going to stop working and your life is over.” Woojin raised his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes with a little more difficulty than was already common for him. Doojoon's attention left him feeling like he was dancing on his own skin, trying to escape. He was out of order, broken. "It's over, okay?"

“You need to go back” Doojoon left his hands on the table, his eyebrows drawn together in an expression not very happy “You're still marked, whether you like it or not.”

“It was a waste of time to come here”

“You should have known better before mark Soojin. You're no longer a silly and reckless child, Woojin. ” Although all the words so far have made him feel the opposite. Woojin agreed that he should act like an adult, wasn't that what he was doing sitting there, just digesting that his own father didn't consider what he really felt.

Woojin looked him in the eye, still without answering. Stomping his feet would be stupid and would only continue to reinforce his father's view of him. And honestly, he couldn't really think that at some point Doojoon could have considered a reason other than the childish one, his coward, his lack of strength as an alpha. It didn't make so much sense that something that hadn't worked out in three years would suddenly work. Woojin saw the relationship with his pack slowly die, the loosening of the bonds until they became parallel lines. He was trying so hard to cling to the invisible, it was actually ridiculous.

"I won't take your time with my failures anymore, don't worry" Woojin stood up, taking out his wallet, in which the only remaining bill had now been left on the table. He didn't even care about the idea that he would need to walk to get home, it was just more important that he get out of there. "If you still have something mine, you can throw it away."

The wind coming from the street seemed colder now. Perhaps it would be worse if he thinks about how much he would have to walk back, with his lack of ability to be a physically active person. He kept his arms crossed and his shoulders shrunk, the experience wasn't being the most pleasant inside or out. At that point, Woojin felt so much that he no longer felt anything, as if the excess of information only left him more disoriented, unfocused. He stared at the floor, abandoning the so ridiculously brave stance that he seemed to always have. He wasn't committed to sustaining anything more for much longer.

But he didn't really want to be negative about the whole situation. He had too many expectations with his mother and in fact, talking to her probably would have been easier and more productive than having to deal with Doojoon's years of disinterest, expelled all at once through a speech about how he seemed to have gone wrong and Woojin it was just a product to be fixed.

_Your mistakes damage my image._

It was time to start over, a little more seriously this time. Woojin wouldn't leave the rented room or pay off his medical debts anytime soon, but he needed to take control of his life before it was too late. And he didn't really want to die, as his most recent attitudes indicated. Ït was obvious that his love for life wasn't the same, but he was running away from problems that he dragged on the leash wherever he went. He was holding on to anvils all the way and looking now, the pack was just another one of those unnecessary weights to carry. It remained for him to wait for the feeling of mourning that wouldn't come immediately, but he was prepared for when it came.

It would take time. For anything. To get up and learn to walk alone, again, again, and again, as many times as needed. Each person who passed by had a story that Woojin didn't know, just as few knew of his – and most of them, if known, wouldn't let their children smile in his direction when he spent too much time looking at nothing, being mistaken for someone so focused. And Woojin preferred to show himself from then on as a new person, or someone who has managed to leave behind what kept him from moving forward, even if it was just a first impression – he couldn't count on the same luck of meeting a close friend while drugged in a hospital.

He stared at his reflection in the window of some store between the restaurants' aisle, staying a few seconds in his own face. It was visible that he was exhausted. Nobody expected to start from the top, even when looking up he saw a small pamphlet glued to the wooden mold, only half nailed, announcing a job vacancy without prerequisites. It wasn't the best, but it would be enough. Carefully pulling the paper out of the glass, Woojin entered the store hoping that luck would smile at him only once. Even if by blind impulse.

**\--** **☾** **\--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending may have been badly translated, but my cat kept biting one of my hands. Sorry.
> 
> I'm seriously burned out.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Asking for help from time to time doesn't make you any less independent"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change the way I translate my stories a little bit, so there may be some mistakes (more than usual) because I'm testing it. A bad time for that, but I need to do something. And honestly, I sometimes regret having decided to write in English. But I haven't given up yet because of you, who stopped to read this. Thank you.

" **I** hate it"

But it wasn't that bad, he was just being a bit dramatic – and his body too, honestly. Active as he was, Christopher just wasn't happy to have to take every second of his time following Hannah's movements, in the center of the room, having pushed all the furniture as far away as possible to fit both yoga mats. Berry was curious, following with strangeness that her owner wasn't running like crazy around the coffee table, as he always did.

He recognized that it could be much worse. His belly wasn't visible enough, despite his nearly seven months of gestation, and so it wasn't really a problem in his weight and posture. Nor did he have real headaches with the positions and the effort placed on the leg muscles, after all, the omega was accustomed to an exercise routine and those were just a few simpler, the kind that didn't make the baby give the impression of wanting to kick his ribs or his spine. Everything was very relative, anyway.

"For Luna, how much longer does this take?" He raised his head, blowing the strands of brittle hair from the front of his eyes, staring at the ceiling in the same position for a few seconds. Hannah snorted but by the corner of his eyes, he could see that she hadn't moved a muscle, not giving him the right to do so.

"You complain too much" The omega moved her arms, being promptly copied by her impatient brother. "You'll be able to lift your bags of rice again at your goddamn will when this baby born, so cool off your head, okay?"

“What's the need if it won't come out naturally? “

"Jeongyeon told you to be careful, not sedentary"

He could fight back, but Christopher knew he would be anxious if he stayed too long wondering about the pregnancy, so much closer to the end than he ever imagined could happen. Even if he was taking all the right steps to make everything work. It was being a little easier physically talking, but not so much when he remembered that he was an exception, not a rule. He was one of the few that might be able to take something of that kind forward, and so little was known about his ability to generate a healthy child as it would be in the case of an omega with all the necessary and balanced characteristics for it. He did his best, but the road would still be long and tiring.

Christopher grew up as a swimmer, not an obstacle course athlete. It was difficult to always be looking for suitable ways to supply what was needed without eventually corroding in the process, changing something that couldn't be reversed. Sometimes he worried too much about how unbalanced he would be as soon as the child was born as if he was no longer influenced by the hormones he took in small amounts, but that didn't stop causing an emotional mess worthy of waking up crying in fear that all his effort wasn't enough. It wasn't a certainty that it would go all the way, that it would all end in a "happily ever after". At any moment his house of cards would collapse and everything would be in vain again.

He put his feet together, giving up his position even though his sister continued. He felt suddenly drained, but not exactly sad by the direction of his thoughts. This didn't prevent, however, that his baby didn't feel the instability of his mind and how automatic his body reacted when his shoulders were tense and his neck started to hurt.

"I'm done" He warned, putting his hand on the curve of his nape, pressing his fingertips lightly below the roots of his hair. He pulled his feet off the mat directly to the cool floor, walking to the couch where he threw his entire body next to Berry; who also seemed to be waiting for that moment to throw herself into her owner's lap.

"Loser" Hannah straightened up, putting her hands on her hips. "And that's because we only started a week ago"

"It's so boring" Christopher rolled his eyes, throwing his head back with the intensity of his own tantrum "Slowly, tedious, the way you prefer"

"You're very energetic for someone who works from home" She noted before occupying the space opposite him, between the cushions, placing her legs on the rest of the couch and poking his thigh lightly with her toes. Then, Hannah stretched her upper body to the floor from where she picked up the water bottle in order to occupy her hands. "If it was me, I'd just be eating and postponing whatever I had to do"

"It requires a lot of self-control" Christopher put his hand on his chest, dramatically "Besides, no debt waits for you to build up the courage to have money"

It was a good reason, apart from the fact that he was naturally restless and Hannah was counting on it – since they were the complete opposite and not even in his most delusional fever Christopher would be able to stand still for so long, unlike his sister, who received anything as an incentive to sleep all day, even if it was in the middle of the week. Besides, Christopher didn't see work as some kind of torture or anything. Dealing with creativity made him comfortable, it was something easy to do for those who kept their feet on the ground when it came to their own life, but found at work a completely new world.

The bills were extra. He kept his monthly expenses according to what he received for freelance work, but he wasn't so sure how he would be able to maintain the balance from then on, after all, a child would spend twice as much – being optimistic – of what he alone was used to seeing as an expense. He knew he could count on his pack, too, but he always tried not to. His parents were definitely better at it, no doubt, but he was looking for his own way of dealing with things than being a perfect copy of those who raised him. But one inspiration or another could get into his habits without hurting a part of his ego, which he believed had an "identity" as a first-time parent.

"Stop daydreaming" Hannah poked him with her foot again, a little stronger for Berry to come out of his lap. "You have a message from Woojin" The omega swung the phone lightly in the air, fleeing from the hands of her brother when he leaned over to take it back. "When are you going to introduce him to me?"

"You don't know half of my friends, why are you interested now?"

"I know that short guy, the one in the army -”

"Changbin" Christopher interrupted, supporting his forearm on her bent knees. "If you give my phone back I can call him here"

“Hm”

Hannah knew his password and had her own fingerprint registered to his phone, for something like three or four years since he last changed it. She was his emergency contact because normally he'd rather not worry his mother with some silly details – Christopher never really had a major headache like accidents and surgeries, which put him in a false position of safety with his decision. But at that moment it seemed stupid to let her have free access to his messages, regardless if he had nothing to hide.

“I think he's already coming"

Christopher got up, picking up his phone before he was deprived of it again, walking around the couch while answering Woojin without letting Hannah very much aware of the matter – partly because he preferred not to go back to the things that they had talked about the alpha, not necessarily about himself. It would be like betraying his trust or something like that. Even though he knew Hannah wouldn't do anything with that information, it was something only Woojin could share with whoever he wanted and Christopher respected it.

“I'm going to take a shower” he concluded, putting the phone in the pocket of his sweatpants “Get it all back”

"What do I get from that?"

"Me not making you pay for eating almost everything from the fridge" Christopher put his hands on the top of the couch "Please" He pleaded, this time a little more serious "My back is killing me"

Hannah rolled her eyes, but dragged her body away from the cushions, beginning to wrap the mats with her toes as her brother followed down the hall, stopping only to pick up the towel hanging from the bedroom door. It was far less work than it seemed, but Hannah understood how difficult it would be for Christopher to bend down several times and put each thing back in its place – and she wouldn't admit it but at that point, Christopher's almost paranoid mistrust was beginning to infect the rest of the pack as well, and it was difficult to keep him without doing anything too intense for so long.

They were used to the idea of a new child. Jessica had talked a lot about a trousseau to her grandson and Jack about the possibility of teaching some things as much as he did with their own children. Lucas, as stubborn as he was to lose his place as the baby to his parents, was also excited about the idea of being a good example for his nephew. And Hannah, who followed much more closely than all of them, just wanted Christopher to feel safe with what he was doing, taking a step that she didn't see herself taking regardless of how many years went by.

Hannah was a little too stubborn at times, it was something of the pack, but she wanted everything to work out and did her best to make her older brother comfortable, happy. And she even got suspicious a few times about some of Christopher's habits or the people he knew, even if he was much wiser than she probably was at the top of her 21 years old. And Christopher had achieved so much by himself to the idea of having a child be just an impulsive, inconsequent, or poorly planned decision. It was evident how hard he was struggling to make it to the end, with the best possible quality even if in the final stretch anything could go wrong and there was no way to control it. They couldn't ignore that it was a risky pregnancy, complex and so different from what Hannah had learned at school and wasn't always able to apply under those circumstances.

Jeongyeon assured them that everything was fine, Christopher was responsible for his health and that of his baby. His mood also didn't seem to vary so much – crying was part of it, tiredness and stress too, provided in moderate doses. Hannah didn't know if she should add that to the fact that it wasn't just them anymore. Most of the friends her brother had were no longer around, even if she knew that occasionally he received messages and calls from those closest to him, like Jisung or Changbin. But they weren't there, experiencing next to the omega all the ups and downs. They didn't do what Hannah knew Woojin did in her absence.

Christopher wasn't much to talk about silly events in his life. He wouldn't talk much about his day if something extraordinary hadn't happened. Hannah had no notion of how he had met that alpha, not even when.His name only came up when Christopher said he was too busy to meet with her. Woojin was an unknown person and was enough to make her afraid, not quite sure why since he was just one of those peoples coming and going as they always were.

Thinking about that, she kept walking back and forth now that the sofas were properly lined up and the coffee table had returned to its place. She had already redone her braid twice by staring at her reflection in the window, and only really settled down when she heard the knocks on the door, muffled, a little shy in her opinion. Hannah retreated to the opposite side of the living room, removing the latches next to the doorknob to open it, ignoring the sweat on her hands with the sight of the alpha a bit taller, with brown hair and tanned skin, wrapped in less summery clothes than the weather asked.

"Hm... Is Chris there?"

**\-- ☾** **\--**

"What happened to your hand?" Hannah stared to the fingers around the other's cup, realizing Woojin's difficult movement in relation to his own wrist or the general joints in that area. She ignored Christopher's uncomfortable look in her direction, because the person to whom she had redirected the question, after all, did not seem so uncomfortable in answering.

"An accident with fire, but it's been a long time ago" Woojin replied calmly, seeming to guarantee with a brief look at Christopher that everything was fine, it wasn't a monstrous question. It would be like this forever and it was common for people to be curious about a “disability”

“It seems to have been pretty bad.”

“It could have been worse".

It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but Hannah still had enough questions she thought best not to ask in front of her brother. She didn't suspect Woojin now that she knew what he was like, even though they were still in the first impression stage, as they hadn't known each other for much more than twenty minutes. And Christopher, well, he seemed to quite like the alpha's presence alone.

She could tell by the way they were comfortable sitting next to each other, establishing an almost unconscious language of mutual security. Hannah could see how Woojin sometimes looked at her brother, trying to find a comfort that everything was fine or how Christopher kept a not very discreet contact in correcting the alpha's posture; or her own when she was a little impolite about him – that wasn't sensitive at all, perhaps just a really precious friend for whom no longer had such kind companies in his life. .

"A little more and you had managed to see how bad Chris is with yoga" Commented the omega, evidencing a smile of tranquility to her brother, despite the provocation. Christopher was grateful for the understanding, even if it was silent. "The swimming lessons our father gave him as a child didn't do any good"

"Try to do this when you're carrying someone else inside you" Christopher replied without thinking too much, unconsciously pouting behind his own cup of chamomile tea, this time without all the hassle of the nausea of/ months ago.

"Is it that hard?"

“No -”

"But it's _very_ boring" Christopher put his elbow on the table and his hand below his face, running over his sister to answer the alpha's curiosity. "A turtle moves more in ten minutes"

"It can't be that bad" Woojin again intruded after spending his time absorbing the short argument between siblings, keeping the cup near his mouth as he felt his lips a little cooler than normal."And it's good for you to not do anything heavy now"

"I'm not sick"

"You know that's not what I meant" Hannah raised her eyebrows slightly as Woojin put the opposite hand, the more 'alive' one, over Christopher's on the table."Besides, standing still isn't a sign of illness. Take it easy." With a gentle pat, Woojin collected his arm, returning to cross it in front of his body.

"Wow, your first sensible friend in years." With a merely illustrative whistle about her false surprise, Hannah moved from where she was still standing, pulling the chair closer to the alpha. "My brother didn't want to finish the routine with me, do you want to try?"

Dragging everything back to make room again was the least of the problems. Christopher wasn't bothered by his sister's attitudes but had found it curious how open Woojin was to accept the offer – although, strictly speaking of the relationship they had, it was difficult for him to refuse any new idea, even one that involved commemorative dates or something like that.

Despite not being conspicuously the most sociable person, for issues that the omega understood, Christopher could see the remnant of what Woojin was once, that ease in dealing with people and environments inevitably still wandered in his head when he remembered of Jaehyun. More specifically about the first stories told and the old group that Woojin surrounded himself with, people who should now be strangers and who left in him a feeling very similar to what he felt about his own old friends.

Of course, they couldn't compare the incomparable. Christopher just fell into the rut and the people closest to him, apart from his pack itself, had also given up some spaces in which he no longer fit in so often. Changbin had the army as his priority and Jisung, having returned to Malaysia more than five years ago, was just history – or what he saw from time to time on his social media. They hadn't separated for moral reasons or anything like that. Life brought, life led, and Christopher was fine with the idea that they would be around if he called, he just never really did.

He crossed his arms over the high back of the old armchair, watching with a small smile the difficulty of balance that Woojin had to accompany his sister, but could still follow well for someone that didn't have the habit of controlling all the muscles of his body. It was likely that he didn't even know much about himself. The omega had the impression that Woojin was learning only now, in more advanced stages of adulthood where this sort of thing should no longer affect anything. The first impressions were already stabilized and the rumors said for themselves much more than it could come from their own mouths.

And it was pleasing to his eyes to observe how the real effort to find his true self came naturally, whether it was changing everything around or trying every day something new that was usually his ideas, but now Hannah had taken the reins of the situation by showing another side – one that Christopher didn't like, but it was just his preferences.

"You have a worse balance than mine" He observed, straightening before taking the seat in the armchair, crossing his legs in lotus so that Berry had room to lie down.

"I'm no athlete"

"That's pretty obvious"

Woojin rolled his eyes and Christopher smiled in response, both aware that it was just a provocation. The omega also knew that there was something serious to be talked about if Woojin was there without having scheduled anything. Even if he was a person interested in his well-being while still carrying that baby, Woojin always chose to make room for someone as naturally fine by his own company as Christopher tended to be, so he felt grateful, but at the same time intrigued. Always intrigued. Woojin kept showing to be a very unpredictable person and perhaps that's why, in some parts, he ended up staying out, hoping that the alpha would tell him his next misadventure, half unconscious and usually too emotional. And it's okay. In a very un narcissistic way, the omega liked to hear him talk. Good things, mostly. His head had been completing the gaps with a lot of pessimism in those last months of pregnancy.

After a probable ten minutes and his eyes closed with the comfortable position – much more than it seemed to be – Christopher raised his eyebrows to the sound of his sister's phone, with the noisy ringtone interrupting the guide to the exercises they did, open on some app. He lifted one of his eyelids, watching Hannah walk from side to side as Woojin sat on the couch, at the opposite end of his direction. They exchanged glances for a few seconds, curious about the omega.

"Since you stopped driving, now I'm the one who has to give Lucas a ride" Hannah pointed her finger to her brother, still indifferent. "I'll come back tomorrow _and_ I'll leave everything there, so you don't have excuses"

"I'll make sure to throw everything out the window as soon as you leave"

"Yoga mats are expensive, you know that? Not everyone got a comfortable life like you" Picking up the bag in the corner of the coffee table, fully leaning against one of the walls, Hannah went around the room, pressing her lips in a light kiss on Christopher's head. “If you need me, just call. It was a pleasure to meet you, Woojin ”

“Same”

The silence was short-lived until the omega slammed the door, Christopher immediately stretching his legs and forcing Berry to get out, so that he would more freely occupy the space on the couch left by Woojin. As his feet swelled easily at that point in his pregnancy, he lifted his heels, keeping them stretched for a moment, waiting long enough to make sure Hannah hadn't changed her mind and come back. Moreover, it also gave the alpha time to recover from whatever it was that immediately made him more tired, having full confidence that yoga didn't influence that state of mind. As unpleasant as it was in Christopher's conception.

"My mom didn't show up today" Christopher sank his back between the cushions, turning his face toward the alpha, who was concentrated on the cobwebs he could never reach while trapped in the ceiling. "She sent my father instead"

"And how did it go?"

"Well, I guess. I didn't expect so much from him to have any deep disappointment" Woojin reciprocated his gaze after a few seconds, crossing his hands over his stomach. "I don't think I ever told you about them."

"Not directly, but I never told you much about mine either."

"You want to know now?"

Christopher smiled, bringing one of the cushions to his lap, bending his legs again so that he would get closer. His response was of automatic interest, although he thought it wasn't going to be such an exciting story.

"My mother is a housewife and my father is a lawyer. Still, I think" After so long, it was hard to know, but Doojoon didn't leave much openness for Woojin to think he had retired. "Great advocate of big business, that whole thing. When we talked this morning he treated the situation as another case, and I hope that my last bill for the coffee has made it clear that I don't have a penny for lawyers anymore"

"What do you mean? I thought you were settled on that"

"I'm, sort of. But he wanted me to come home, deal with the mark like everyone always does." Woojin sighed, relaxing all his muscles at once. "I think that was the last time"

"How do you feel?"

"Better than it looks"

There was still the inevitable weight of a more concrete rejection from his pack. Even if he waited for something like that, there was no negative idea that wouldn't impact when performed, going from frustration to real sadness. Woojin considered himself to be in between, not very healthy, as well as far from being destructive like all his other habits.

Maybe _mourning_ was the most appropriate word. The perception that he had unconsciously moved away from everything that was his life a little over three years ago, followed him for a few hours, especially when he had been forced to go through much of that moment of self-reflection on a continuous walk. His legs still hurt, even if it didn't stop him from keeping up with Hannah's ideas.

"I had plenty of time to think about it," He continued, his eyes still fixed on Christopher's, who remained a great listener. "And other things too"

"Like?"

"Getting a job. My savings are practically clean" Woojin had never complained about money or debts, even at that point in the story, but he concluded that it wasn't difficult to realize that it was increasingly complicated to count on luck to go over basic needs.

"I never asked what you did before we met"

"You never asked me much, if I wasn't living in a rented room I'd think you're with me for money"

"We've passed this stage" Christopher shook his head for a few seconds, dismissing the hypothesis that had never really been true "You've already shown me you didn't have it in the beginning"

"I shouldn't have paid you that tart if I'd known you'd throw it on my face afterward"

"If it's any consolation, it was really good.”

The alpha focused better on the expressions of his company when he put his hand on his own belly, his eyebrows furrowed under the too-long bangs, still barely covering his small eyes – not exactly sleepy, although a few minutes ago Christopher seemed to have a good time to enjoy the inside of his eyelids. Woojin turned his body a bit, pushing the slightly undefined curls from the front of the omega face, in a mechanical way.

"You need to cut your hair"

"I'm thinking of shaving my head"

"Argh, what a horrible idea"

"I think I'd be a good-looking bald guy"

"No one else says that, Chris" Woojin rolled his eyes, mostly by the childish smile in response, as if the self-suggestion was just lip service. But the alpha knew it wasn't, or at least he suspected that Christopher was dead serious about it.

"I can't dye my hair anymore and I don't think it's going to get any healthier than that" The omega pulled one of his curls, feeling them rough at his fingertips "Want to shave for me?"

"On one condition"

"Which one?"

“You'll do the entire yoga session with your sister tomorrow,”

"That's unfair!"

"Of course not, It wasn't that bad" Woojin crossed his legs, this time his whole body turned toward the omega, almost as if he taught a child a lesson. But he understood, through experience and observation, why Christopher avoided so much light exercises. He seemed even more sleepy in those stages of pregnancy. "Try to relax at least now, the world won't stop just because you can't run around it"

"Standing still makes me stressed" With his hand sunk deeper into his hair, Christopher took a deep, tense breath, as if all the frustration came to light as soon as the air came out. "I can't stop thinking that something can go wrong, or that if everything goes right I still won't know how to reconcile my normal life with the needs of a baby"

"Hey, stay calm, okay?" Realizing the tension on the shoulders of the other, Woojin rested his hand on the curve of the omega's neck, in a subtle affection. "You can't predict the future and you won't know it until the baby is born, it's something you deal with practice"

"It didn't calm me at all"

"We already know that I'm not the best consolation to anyone" Woojin smiled, partly as an apology, simultaneously with the desire to ease the burden on the matter. "You're not alone, you know that. Asking for help from time to time doesn't make you any less independent"

"Have you become an expert on this now?"

"One person in particular has opened my eyes in the last few months, I give him all the credit." Christopher wrinkled his eyebrows, just for a moment. "Do you still want to go bald?"

**\-- ☾** **\--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are three or four more chapters until to the end (I haven't decided if I'm going to mix the last two into just one), but I'm thinking of doing a sequel. Feel free to say whether or not you want it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She really likes having you here"

" **H** m" The omega adjusted the glasses on her face, raising her eyebrows at the figure standing at the door, who wasn't a stranger and yet didn't refer to any memory. Of course, her head didn't work as well as it did when she was young, but she really had nothing to complain about. Yet. "Can I help you, my dear?"

"Good morning Mrs. Kim, it's me, Christopher"

"Oh, Christopher, of course, come in." More cheerful by the announced presence, Taeyeon stepped aside, letting the omega in before closing the door with a soft thud, latching it again as usual. “Do you want anything? Water, tea? Woojin isn't here, I think he had something to do, I don't remember very well right now ”

"No, thanks, no need" Christopher waved his hand in the accompaniment to the denial, but remained a few steps behind the omega, towards the kitchen. "I heard he has a job interview today"

“Ah, yes, yes, that's right. I already told him to leave a note in the fridge, I never know where he is going ”

“He always comes back, there's no need to worry”

At least, most of the time. In those past two months, since Woojin had moved into the back room of the old omega's house, Taeyeon treated him like the son she never had, and sometimes Christopher wondered if the alpha realized the bond that the single omega, without any kind of pack, had created with him. Possibly not, but it was just a hunch.

"How are you, Mrs. Kim?"

"Oh, drop that, my name is Taeyeon"

"Ok, Taeyeon" Christopher pulled out the chair, sitting down at the table. The closer he got to the eighth month, the heavier his belly became, even if it's not so evident. "How are you?"

"Good, good. Last week the garage lamp burned out, and I'm too old to fix these things”

"Woojin wasn't home?"

"It was he who replaces it, no way was I going to go up the stairs to mess with it" Christopher rested his hand under his face, with a small smile. “You're getting chubby, that must be why I didn't recognize you. Are you losing hair too? ”

"Oh no, I just shaved my head" He laughed in response, far from being offended. "Woojin didn't tell you, ma'am?"

"What did he not tell me?"

“I'm pregnant, so I didn't exactly get fat. At least not in a way I didn't expect ”

"Oh, I didn't know alphas could get pregnant"

Taeyeon adjusted her glasses again, looking surprised, but without stopping what she was doing when she put a teapot on the table. At least Woojin had told her that the omega didn't take any caffeine, making the alpha's routine a little more difficult by trying to come home with a cup of coffee.

"If I knew that, I would have married when I was young"

"I'm an omega, ma'am, but it's a bit of a long story for now"

"Are you in a hurry? Have you already told Woojin that you would come? You haven't been here in a while, I even thought you two had an argument or something ” She served herself with the warm drink, and even in the face of Christopher's denial moments ago, making a point of repeating with the cup placed in front of the omega's crossed arms.

“He doesn't know that I came” And he wasn't in a hurry either, he didn't even have plans for the rest of the day. "I thought that he would be at home already"

“I heard that the trains are full on the way here, something must have stopped working” Taeyeon sat down, seeming to have quickly forgotten about the previous subject, but not so much. "How many months?"

"Seven and two weeks" He put the cup close to his mouth, just wetting his lips.

“And you didn't say anything to me? I'm too late to start making the baby shoes -“

"No need, Taeyeon, seriously" Christopher moved his hands, again in denial. Gestures sometimes worked better.

He also didn't want to point out that he might be able to lose that child before he reached nine months. Even because he had difficulties in believing that it was going to be a completely healthy baby and that they would reach the world, if it happened, in a habitual way, without direct medical interference.

"There's still plenty of time"

"Woojin must be very happy to be a father, he didn't even tell me!"

"Oh, no, I'm going to be a single father"

"Why?"

"Because ... I prefer it that way?"

Of course, he wasn't very confident. It was explicit by that way it came out much more as a question than a statement, he knew that. In recent days, he had been asking himself a lot about what he really wanted and how to bear the consequences of his decision, which – however well thought out – still carried an immense burden, that seemed heavier and heavier the closer he got to that child being born. At no time was he concerned about an alpha or any other type of person, and in that regard, he expressed no doubt. But Taeyeon's question wasn't exactly specific, unfortunately.

"I want this baby, I just don't think I need someone else to take care of they" He took a long sip of the warm tea, feeling it dance a little in the space between his cheeks.

“Taking care of a child is really hard” Taeyeon stirred the drink in her own cup, her eyes behind the lens glued in Christopher's reactions. "So I decided to have none" The omega smiled, half automatically, mainly at the tone used by the elder. Unfortunately, it hadn't lasted that long. "I regret that."

"Oh"

"Not so much now" He was beginning to think she was taking those dramatic pauses on purpose, for the sake of an extra performance of feelings that Christopher wasn't as skilled at hiding, as he wished. “I'm happy for you and Woojin to keep me company”

"Same, ma'am"

Accompanied by Taeyeon, the omega moved his head to the entrance of the kitchen as they heard a soft sound, just waiting until the moment Woojin appeared below the doorway, carrying a cloth bag under his arm. The cute embroidery in the bag being possibly something Taeyeon did in her spare time. If he looked more closely, he might even be able to see her name on one of the handles.

"You didn't warn me that you were coming today" The alpha commented as he quickly crossed his eyes with Christopher, showing no hostility, just curiosity by the not-exactly-surprise. It wouldn't be the first or the last time that the omega appeared suddenly, but it was common that it was only a quick passing.

“When you told me about your interview, I decided that I wanted to know about it in person”

"Did you come by car?"

"I wouldn't be able to walk here even if I had a wheel instead of feet"

Woojin placed the bag on the counter, the opening showing exactly what Christopher had thought before – Taeyeon probably asked the alpha to fill the fridge with whatever she needed to get from the grocery store. This reminded him that he should stop postponing his own going to the market, but it was a secondary situation. The omega turned his attention to Taeyeon with the cup close to her mouth, her hands a little shaky with age, while Woojin continued to empty the bag in a natural and belonging movement. As always. He was never tired of mentally highlighting the quality of fluidity and adaptation of the other.

"How was it?" He decided to ask when he noticed that Woojin was ending with his task, bending down to store the last things on the bottom shelves of the fridge.

“Just fine” Christopher put his hand under his face “I'll start next week”

"That's great!"

Woojin stopped what he was doing for a few moments, using the dishtowel to dry his damp hands, while returning Christopher's soft smile over the news. It wasn't really a big deal, if Woojin could admit to himself in a critical way - the kind of criticism his parents would make - but it was enough to survive. For now, it was the only goal, in general terms. Woojin had taken some time from big dreams, from want to rise in life by stepping on others. It had been a bit of a stupid ambition, looking now and being able to readjust his priorities. He pulled out the chair, sitting between Taeyeon and Christopher, taking the opportunity to take a deep breath as he hadn't done since early in the morning.

"Thank you" He thanked Christopher, with the same closed-lips smile painted on his face. "Are you staying for dinner?"

**\-- ☾** **\--**

"You can go to sleep, ma'am, we can take care of the dishes" Christopher assured with a gentle nod to Taeyeon's concern. Which was unfounded, taking into account that it was past the time when the omega normally went to bed, right after taking her medication - or Woojin to remind her of that, since it wasn't a very different time from when Christopher was taking his own, which seemed to have formed a pattern in his memory.

Meanwhile, the alpha dried the dishes already washed, placing them on the drying rack where they would stay for the rest of the night.

"Don't do anything in my house without my permission just because I have a heavy sleep"

"Okay, Taeyeon, nothing will happen in the next eight hours, don't worry" Woojin assured, crossing the table to place his hands gently on the omega's shoulders, guiding her down the hall to the bedroom. Then he returned, barely aware of the forgotten dishcloth on one shoulder until Christopher took it out to dry the space between his own fingers. "She said good night, in her own way, you know"

"Yes, I know" The omega smiled, returning the fabric to Woojin's hand. "I thought she had children, just don't talk to them."

"You two still have a lot to talk about"

"It takes a while to know a lot about someone"

"She told me that she never married, but that she lived with an alpha for a while until he died." Woojin finished drying the rest of the plates, putting them in their proper places, in what Christopher just watched as usual. "It's hard to think that someone her age never thought of having a pack"

"Do you want to have one when you reach her age?"

Woojin rested his hips against the counter, his lips pursed and his eyes narrowed, an indication that he was seriously thinking about the answer to the question. And for now, even though he was in his thirties, he didn't even consider a positive answer. He was a little saturated with relationships in the short term. He didn't think there was anyone in the world out there waiting for him, regardless of whether it was an alpha, beta, or omega, younger or older. Maybe he was already over the limit to consider that kind of thing, to put romantic ties ahead of what would be best for him. In that case, learn to deal with his own company. One step at a time.

"I don't know. Even if I answer you now, I can still change my mind ”He tilted his head to the side, crossing his arms. "And you?"

"If everything goes well, I'll have it already"

Woojin followed Christopher's gaze to his belly, the idea being no longer as unusual as in the first conversation they had. If he had to come back to practically ten months ago, he wouldn't change anything in that aspect. Whether it was his reaction or what followed, however much he could no longer consider it to remain the same.

On a high guess, he would probably say he would be either in a coma or dead, which wasn't so scary when he had passed so close to it a few times already, he just decides he would leave it for later. They were no longer frequent thoughts, he couldn't just see a concrete wall in his path. Even though he remained without great desires, being there, for now, was satisfactory. With new people, with new memories every day, every moment. Things he had never experienced.

"How is it going?"

"The closer it gets, the tenser I get" Christopher raised his hands to his own shoulders and sighed.

"Has she set the date yet?"

"Yeah, it will be at the beginning of next month"

It would be early, if it were a normal situation. Christopher would enter the eighth month without being able to go much further, in view of the fact that it was impossible for him to have a natural birth. And he didn't want to take any further risks if that whole situation was already an exception to almost every type of rule, where he got out of his way to harbor a new life in the womb that, in theory, shouldn't even be there. At that point, everything that happened to the child was a big deal, an impact on his life that couldn't be made up, as it happened with every other moment when something had gone very wrong. He understood the seriousness of the path he had followed and intended to bear it until the last second.

"I don't know what to think," He admitted, his hand gently resting on the top of his belly while the opposite one hid in the pocket of his borrowed sweatshirt; since they had decided that it was too late for him to return home and that he should stay the night "It doesn't look safe here"

"What do you mean?"

"My body isn't the best place to support a baby" The omega moved his head back a little, taking a deep breath until he looked back at Woojin. "I don't feel that everything is going to be all right, or that this baby is safe inside here, maybe it will only get better when they come out ... If they come out."

"You have come this far, think too much about it is self-sabotage" Woojin pushed his own body away, leaving the dishtowel on one of the chairs before extending his hand to Christopher, waiting for the gesture to be reciprocated. Upon feeling Woojin's palm on his, the omega automatically intertwined their fingers. "I don't think Taeyeon will care if we stay in the living room"

They huddled among the small sofas in the living room, stacking three of the comforters that Woojin had brought from his old apartment, surrounding the corners of cushions and pillows, much more for Christopher's comfort than for the alpha himself. It was even better that way, since the doubt was shared between both about the capacity of Woojin's bed to accommodate two and a half bodies. There the movement was free, and Christopher felt that there were few moments when he had real comfort in the current conditions. Still, he clung to one of the pillows, resting his cheek on the top while his eyes remained glued to the extremely low volume TV, trying not to disturb the mistress of the house. Even though she insisted she had a sleep worthy of the dead. For some reason, that situation took him back to pre-adolescence again, in a nostalgic and not dangerous way, just peaceful and pleasant.

"I don't remember the last time I had to talk in a whisper" Christopher confessed in a whisper to the other, quickly moving his attention to Woojin and the almost sloppy way he spread across the rest of the comforter. His forearm on the forehead, removing his brown strands and reducing the impact of light on his eyes.

"Has it been that long since you left your parents' house?"

“More than ten years”

"And why?" The alpha turned his head a bit, trying to return the omega's gaze, even though his own fingers remained in view.

"Independence" It was an obvious answer at that point. "Besides, I wanted a little more peace in the relationship I had at that time."

"Well, it's pretty clear that it didn't work out" Woojin stared at the TV for a few moments, the slightly hissing programming of the local channel not showing anything really relevant at that hour. It was past midnight and it was all just noise. "What happened?"

“As you said, it didn't work out”

It was a little more complex than that, but Christopher didn't think it was worth making a big storm over an event that had happened so many years ago. Relationships were still a mystery, or points on the curve of a very clear goal, which repeatedly resembled those lists to make before dying; like planting a tree, writing a book, or having a child. Interests were fleeting and often superficial, complicated in how each person might be able to see them. It was just different, in his case.

"The initial expectations haven't been met"

"It was that much?"

"Not from me" The omega briefly moistened his dry lips, biting the lower one out of pure habit. “We had different limits, different goals, that kind of thing”

"But everyone is different in some way"

“But not everyone knows how to reconcile the differences”

As for that, sometimes it was automatic. In the case of both, present in that room, Christopher never thought that he needed to adapt to Woojin's needs because, until now, no particular belief had interrupted their friendship. And he didn't think it was anything that couldn't be understood, fixed if the need existed. They were no longer at their early twenties, which also helped explain their ability to adapt to different situations.

"It was other times"

“It looks like a lot, but it's not that much”

"How long has it been since you left your parents' house?"

"Less than five years" The reason was implied, but it was close enough to what Christopher estimated the whole story with Soojin to had happened. "I didn't mean to leave, to be honest"

"Regrets?"

"Not really"

At least, not in the aspect of being away from the pack or creating his own independence and freedom, as Christopher had used as a driving mechanism for his own decisions. The issue was only more multifaceted on that side of the story, where Woojin thought that running away from his parents' eyes would relieve the pressure on his chest and force him to keep his head in place.

"But it was my comfort zone"

"You're a full adult now"

"I'm not feeling much of that, my mindset hasn't come out of college years yet"

“Yes, it did, a little. You're even using a nicotine patch” The omega carefully shifted his position, resting his back on the comforter and his hands on his stomach. He took a deep breath, uncomfortable in how everything looked like a great physical exercise at that moment of pregnancy.

“It was a stupid decision to go back to smoking”

“It was a moment of stress”

"I don't want to do this around you" Woojin lowered his arm, completely turning his body around while holding his head with one hand. "Even though it's extremely uncomfortable to have anything stuck in me"

“I appreciate the consideration. The baby too. ”

"You're welcome" The alpha smiled, tapping his numb fingers on the pillow abandoned by Christopher in the space between their bodies. This time he ended up being the one who supported his head there, abandoning his own independent support, even if he could sound a little too lazy about it now.

He closed his eyes, giving his full attention to what appeared to be a repeat singing program. The music was familiar, traditional, which reminded him a little of those that Taeyeon still had on the old records. All them dusty in the garage – he tried to play some, just out of curiosity, but most stopped at a specific track, blocked by scratches caused by the displacement in tight spaces on the shelves. Fortunately, the garage wouldn't need to be cleaned for a few more years, after he had already done that last week.

"I didn't know you knew that kind of music" Woojin lifted one eyelid, looking into the brown eyes that reciprocated in a curious way. "You were humming"

"Oh," The alpha looked up a little, reflexively. "Taeyeon sings at least one every day when she is in the garden. It ends up stuck in my head"

"She really likes having you here"

"I guess so. I haven't been officially kicked out until now. ”

In part, he was being honest, even though he never gave reason on behavioral issues in the last case. He tried to help the older omega in whatever way he could, and he did, regardless of whether he knew it might not be enough. Having a job would keep the landlord and tenant status compliant, even if much of what he did for her didn't even fit under the terms of living there by rent. He understood that it must be difficult for her as it was for him not to find anyone to support. In that aspect, he would be grateful to have found the right place to be.

"Even if I could, I prefer not to live alone, at least for now"

"Have you decided that you no longer like to be on your own?"

"Not exactly. It's only good to have someone around, even if she listens to trot all day ”

Christopher moved his head, watching the alpha's slightly too long brown hair strewn across the pillow, Woojin's eyes just closed for the second time, his shoulders less tense the more time passed. He felt satisfied, even if he was slow to believe why. Proud was also an applicable word. Even if it wasn't a direct thing to be said or added by those who lived, outside that situation the omega could tell how bad life tended to get before it got better. Of course, it didn't always apply to absolutely everything, but Woojin was no longer hiding his hands or apologizing every second for what he was unable to control. He didn't even remember anymore that the scars on his wrists were white, forgotten as much as the mark that originated all that - regardless of the alpha still preferred not to leave the house with it on sight. It was okay to lean on someone, wasn't it?

"Woojin" He whispered again, watching him reopen just one eye. "I have an appointment next week" Carefully the omega turned around, deciding that he would just stay in that position. "Can you go with me?"

"I'll find a way."

**\-- ☾** **\--**


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you want to hold my hand?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the last and it will be much shorter, so enjoy this one ~ <3

**C** hristopher raised an eyebrow, his hand still on the doorknob, having opened the door completely just because it was hard to believe in what he saw – but also because it was recent, and Woojin's job, in his mind, was much more theory than practice. His agitated routine with the arrival of the child also didn't help to remind him that it would now be relatively common to receive the alpha in a shaggy outfit, with paws, muzzle, and rounded ears. After a few seconds, all he could do was smile, and it was impossible to ignore how well it fits the other to be a teddy bear from a toy store.

“Good to know that I won't have to spend on plushies” Christopher stepped aside, letting him pass while removing the huge head from the fantasy, leaving it on the sofa. On the opposite hand, he carried a backpack, being less careful when he dropped it on the floor.

"Yes, you will" Woojin rested a hand on the back of his neck, squeezing the space between his shoulder and his ear. “This is extremely heavy to carry all day, and it's even worse when it’s hot”

"It was raining outside until ten minutes ago"

"I'm talking about the costume”

Christopher closed the door, crossing the space to the couch where he sat in eager to take the bear's head in his hands, looking at it more closely. The eye space was covered with a thin, dark fabric, which would probably hamper Woojin's ability to move clearly if he was too far from the store door. Christopher would like to spend time just watching, to be sure. And he would probably do it on a less crowded day of the week.

"I think I know why you were hired"

"You know?" The alpha had unzipped the front of the costume, leaving this upper body exposed to the cooler air, even though he was still wearing the white tank top underneath.

"Sure, you have experience as a bear, don't you?"

"Sometimes you abuse your luck" Christopher just smiled, examining Woojin rummaging through the backpack, looking for the rest of his folded clothes which were nothing more than a folded pair of jeans and a simple jacket, as usual. "I'm going to change, it won't take more than two minutes"

"We still have an hour, don't worry"

The omega had scheduled the appointment later than usual, for a plausible reason – Woojin was always late, or at least it was something he already hoped that would happen more often. If before he had the freedom to do everything he could on his own, now he started taking steps for moments when he needed to be with someone. Although not at all times and that this changed much less than it seemed in his routine, since he was used to certain presences without major interferences. Hannah usually just sat on the couch for hours, and when he was in Woojin's company it wasn't exactly different, just strangely more comfortable. They usually exchanged at least two words before they remained in their heads, taking care of their respective problems.

On that particular day, Christopher not only needed, but he wanted to have someone around. Even though Jeongyeon told him the day of the childbirth – it isn't worth repeating here what has been replayed in his head during all other months of pregnancy – it was the last check to see if anything needed to be changed at the entrance to the eighth month. He hoped not. Even though there was no possibility of carrying the pregnancy until the last second, as much as he knew it was less comfortable for his anxiety that the child should remain there, it also didn't make him happy to hand them over to an incubation. He had already accepted that from then on, ignoring the fact that the rule extended, it was all about luck.

The alpha returned shortly afterward, his work uniform folded to fill the vacant space in his backpack – the costume head would obviously be taken in his hands, but not now. Christopher kept turning it over in his hands, staring at the details and feeling the softness of the mascot's fur at his fingertips.

"What is the name?" He asked while looking up at Woojin, who raised his eyebrows automatically.

"Of what?"

“Of the mascot” Christopher stood up, leaving the bear's head on the couch, and seizing the opportunity to bring Woojin's backpack close to it. When they returned it would be much easier to find everything that way.

"Oh, I have no idea" Woojin narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath, adjusting his belongings in his jacket pockets, specifically checking his own keys, since when he returned it was likely that Taeyeon wouldn't be home. "It has something to do with bears, if it serves you as an answer"

"Of course it has"

"Do you want me to drive?"

It wasn't the alpha's obligation to drive, after all, Christopher wasn't dysfunctional. But perhaps his nervousness was too evident when he fetched the car keys simultaneously with the apartment keys, on the coffee table. He felt his hands tremble a little, maybe they were slightly slippery, but it wasn't that bad. He only needed to take a deep breath.

"I think so"

"I won't throw the car on the curb every five seconds, I promise" Woojin smiled as he took the keys off the pressure of his fingers, gently, without seeming to be missing that much in the palm of his hands.

From then on, Christopher acted automatically, following the alpha's steps even though he already knew the whole path by heart – at least from his apartment to the hospital, even if Woojin knew the place as well as he did. It was the same one where they met, with the same people who even remembered the two faces, for different reasons. When he got out of the car in the parking lot, with the whole road having passed in just a blur of light and neutral colors, the omega raised his head for a few moments, digesting the fact that perhaps that was the rainiest, although hot, year. An uncomfortable dichotomy that could lower his immunity, even though he was relatively safe by his habits and a little bit of luck.

"I should have seen the forecast" He concluded to himself as he crossed the front of the car towards the alpha, who had only waited for that cue to lock the doors.

"It wouldn't make much difference, I don't remember anyone saying it was going to rain" Woojin shrugged, hiding his hands reflexively in his pockets.

They walked side by side, with no reason to extend the conversation about the weather. Whether it rained or not, it was a problem for later and it could even entertain, but Christopher needed to learn to deal with feelings that had been constant, and ignoring wasn't a good trait to feed on. And he wasn't even very good at that. At some point, he even thought that he would be able to swallow all the problems that life put in his way, pretend that he was untouchable and that he had no basic needs at different levels. Obviously, all that in periods when he understood very little of the world around him, and it was limited who was able to offer a perspective that suited his. His parents had different stories and he certainly couldn't give his siblings the same notion, even if he tried.

"Hey ..." Christopher blinked slowly, watching everything around him without really realizing how many steps he had taken. He looked at Woojin then, watching him with an expression he considered neutral. "Do you want to hold my hand?"

He wasn't expecting that question. It wasn't common for anyone to do it, especially for those who were already of the age to be forced to have courage over absolutely everything – especially when it came to decisions he had taken himself. And his first reaction was to be hesitant. For reasons he couldn't really understand. Still, he held out his hand over the one held out towards him, taking a deep breath when he felt Woojin intertwine their fingers. He was actually a lot tenser than he imagined.

"Everything will be fine" _He hoped so._

**\-- ☾** **\--**

"I told you so"

Woojin brought the only free hand up to the back of his neck, feeling his shoulders tense, probably from thinking about that appointment all day, as much as Christopher. Only in a less paralyzing way, because it wasn't something he was capable of feeling on his skin. In multiple ways. The closest he was of all that anxiety it was by the way the omega refused to let go of his fingers, now and then squeezing the palms of their hands together.

"I know, I know" Christopher stared at the greenish folders, without actually opening them because it didn't matter if Jeongyeon was the one who knew their contents in detail. And if she had guaranteed that nothing would go wrong, it was because really, nothing would go wrong. Right? "I'm just stressed out"

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

He didn't think about the answer enough. Maybe because he didn't really have a place where he considered the environment safe and free from that kind of thinking, that was becoming exhausting to carry. Christopher felt that he was no longer the optimistic person, willing to understand others and live life to the full as he used to, becoming just a heap of tense muscles and cups of tea with milk at various times of the day. And that didn't even really work. Still, the hunch came out without a filter, and partly without concern whether Woojin would refuse or not.

"We can only walk," he suggested, his voice a few octaves lower. "To nowhere"

The alpha kept his eyes on the other for a few moments, realizing how firm his jaw was pressed and how pale were the fingers that held the exams. Woojin took the moment to take the cardboard folders for himself, putting them under his arm, naturally numb, despite the discomfort that anxiety still caused indirectly in his whole body.

"It's better to leave this in the car first"

Christopher couldn't go that far, but the facilities near the hospital were no longer as morbid as Woojin remembered – they were also not following the same path that he always walked alone, in one way or another, beaten by life in all points. Everything was a little more dramatic when seen with eyes that were red with anger or blue with sadness.

He didn't know if anxiety had exactly one color. They were in that strange interval between summer and autumn, where the only things he could think of were yellow and gold. The sun was still hot and Woojin felt his hands sweat, but it wasn't really relevant. Not enough to let the omega go on alone. Only if he wanted to.

"I think I should have a name by now" Christopher had his eyes on the floor, looking much more comfortable relying completely on Woojin's ability to guide him, even though he wasn't really inattentive to anything around them.

"Hm?"

"For the baby"

"Oh ..." The alpha imagined they had taken a break from that subject, but it wouldn't stop him from talking about it if it meant something positive. In any aspect. "What are the options?"

"None...?”

Woojin laughed softly, making it impossible to ignore the fact that it had been a question and not a statement. Perhaps Christopher didn't really think about it, although he found it difficult that at some point random names didn't come to his mind. Or that during those months, he met someone whose name sounded good enough to imagine himself calling a child that way. Woojin never really had an interest in being a father, and having a pack to call his own ended up being relative. He didn't rule it out, but he wasn't ready to shoulder that kind of responsibility. But he still had a shortlist of names that he might suggest if someone asked him.

“Really? None?"

"Yes and no" The omega waved their clasped hands a little, the wind easing the temperature of both palms. "There are many names, some very beautiful, but something is missing"

"Like what?"

“I can't imagine me saying to someone 'this is my baby, _so-and-so_ '”

"I think _so-and-so_ is not a very common name, really" Christopher rolled his eyes, but ended up smiling, still a little dejected, but Woojin realized that it was an honest gesture. "What name would you like to have, if you didn't have yours?"

"Hm, it's a good question" His shoulders were less tense now, and the sun painted a little his naturally pale cheeks. Over time, Woojin realized that Christopher didn't blush so easily, not even in the summer. "I already have two names"

"Two?"

"Christopher is the name of my documents, Chan is the name given by my grandparents" A little stubborn, in his opinion. "I would have said before, but it's funny to see you roll your tongue trying to pronounce Christopher.”

"Argh, all this effort for nothing" Woojin threw his head back a little, his brown hair a little too long immediately making his vision more open. "If I had to give you a name without knowing you, I would call you Hoseok"

"Why?"

"If I'm not mistaken it means 'literal sunshine' , or something like that" The alpha licked his lips for a few moments, his eyes narrowed now that the sun was disappearing, but didn't really diminish the brightness. He had never stopped to notice how volatile the weather was until he remembered that a few hours ago everything looked like it was going to rain.

“It's a beautiful name” Christopher vaguely remembered meeting one or two people wich the same name, but they were never really close, considering he didn't remember their faces. "I always liked the name Felix"

"Why do you have to complicate things so much for me?"

"I already said, it's funny" His smile was bigger now, more childlike, more alive. Woojin was relieved to know that, even though it was temporary, the tension over the pregnancy had eased considerably. "But it sounds good too"

"I don't think there is a version for this here" Or at least not with meaning, just phonetic approximations. "How about Jeongin?"

"What does it mean?"

"I have no idea" Woojin shook his head negatively, without guilt. "I just like how it sounds."

"What if it's an omega?"

"Wasn't me who supposed to be asking that?" He cleared his throat “What if it's an omega?”

“I was taking suggestions, that's all. But I think if it's an omega ... Jimin, maybe.”

"No Australian names this time?"

"I thought you didn't like them."

"As long as I can pronounce, that's fine." It was a very simple requirement. Woojin had the impression that his tongue was a little stuck, something that hadn't been given much until he needed to be speaking another language, or sounding in ways that weren't common within his native language. "Jimin is a unisex name, you know that, right?"

"Yes, I know, but I liked the name Jeongin ..." He smiled, again. "Bang Jeongin."

**\-- ☾** **\--**


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Woojin!" Yuri, the omega in charge of that shift, returned with the phone off the hook, holding it out towards him. “It's for you, they said it's important. It's from the hospital. ”

It was 9:50 a.m.

Woojin was sweating again in that ridiculous costume, but he couldn't take the third break in less than an hour. The high temperatures also influenced the laziness of his entire body, with the urge to sleep being practically inevitable at this point. He was a long way from home, in a space that he thought he knew well because it was close to where he grew up, but nothing was really the same. He expected it but it was still a little frustrating. In the toy store, the alpha no longer saw that many children.

He looked around, going out of the sun and into the corridors full of colored boxes and clear plastic. He removed the head from his costume, leaving it on the counter for a few moments, taking advantage for the omega responsible for the cashier not being in sight. She should be just as bored by the strange lack of movement as he was. He bent his elbows, pulling the gloves by the tips of the fingers, trying to wake up his joints on both sides since the costume only allowed him to move his thumb separately.

"Woojin!" Yuri, the omega in charge of that shift, returned with the phone off the hook, holding it out towards him. “It's for you, they said it's important. It's from the hospital. ”

Woojin didn't even know what day of the week it was. It was early August, between the 5th and the 10th – or at least the last time he looked at the calendar one of them was marked in red, for a reason he didn't remember. It wasn't uncommon for Woojin to receive calls from the hospital. Almost all of his money was still being used to pay for some of the damage his bad decisions had caused, so he answered the call already waiting to hear Mina's voice, as always kind of afraid to charge for it. Something that, honestly, he wouldn't have much of a choice to deal with anyway. But all he realized was that, for some reason, he recognizes Hannah's voice over the phone.

"Hello? Woojin? ”

"Hannah, I didn't know you had the number of the store"

"Oh, my brother told me where you work, but he didn't give me your phone number so I had to search on the internet" The omega cleared her throat, the sound of the fabric of her clothes possibly too loud on the phone according to her movement. "I just called to tell you that, you know, he just got into surgery a little while ago"

That was what the calendar marked, in the end. Woojin knew he was forgetting something, but there wasn't much that could be done at that moment if he still had long hours at work, and leaving without reason would be back to square one – that is, being fired and starting the journey again in order to manage the money that was left for him. At that point much less than when he had to go through it the last time. Furthermore, Woojin wasn't the father of the child. He really had no connection with them, so that wasn't even a justification. That didn't stop him from being anxious, however. There were plenty of reasons in that case.

"I would like to be there, really -"

"It's fine, he told me that you would work and jobs are important" Hannah looked a little disoriented, which was understandable. Not even the alpha's thoughts were actually organized at that moment. "He's very nervous ..." She snorted, not so discreetly. "My mom was the only one who could get in"

"It will be all right," he said, his eyes crossing for a few seconds with Yuri, who he hadn't even realized was still there. “I'll go straight to the hospital when I can, okay? If you update me by messages, I appreciate it ”

"Ah, yeah, yeah, I just need your number"

Woojin ended the call after giving Hannah the necessary information, not only in terms of his phone number but the address of the store, if she wanted to be somewhere other than running inside the hospital as she couldn't accompany her brother in the room. Woojin stared at the clock again, then returned the slightly indecipherable expression of the omega who picked up the phone, not seeming interested in taking it back to the hook, seated on the desk in the manager's office.

"It's all right?"

“Yeah, it's not a problem” Woojin rested his forearms on the counter and smiled, reassuring his co-worker. “Another child in the world and that whole thing”

"Oh, I didn't know you had an omega -"

"No, no, a friend of mine is going to be a father, it has nothing to do with me"

At least, not directly. Woojin had followed Christopher's entire pregnancy, but not every second of it. No more than Hannah or the omega's own parents. He was just a relatively helpful friend, if he could put it that way. Besides, that child, whose name would only be decided when they actually born, was one of Woojin's shortest goals. He wanted to see they born, and apparently the closest he would get to that was to recognize that, for the next few hours, he wouldn't be around, but would visit them before it got dark. He now needed to trace another step, categorizing it as wide one, if he took into account that to his last suicide attempt until that moment he had taken a few other short walks.

Perhaps he could see they grow up, make they smile as well as the children who received him with a wave, hug or hi-five throughout the day. Even if they ended up not entering the store, just passing through where Woojin stood most of the time. And after he helped Yuri down the doors and he changed his clothes, he decides to leave the costume right there as he was going straight to the hospital, wondering what features of Christopher that baby would have. Maybe dimples or wavy hair, kind eyes, and relatively small hands – although it sounds unfair when his own was just too big.

On the way to the subway, he realized that Hannah had just sent two messages, one to say about the birth of a little alpha and the other to say that everything was fine. He didn't expect her to have kept in touch during all the hours that went by from the call until there, in fact. But he still smiled at the same messages as he waited for the subway to stop at the station closest to home, in every way.

This time Woojin didn't pass through the entrance with any kind of concern, he actually had a smile on his face that was immediately returned by the omega, in the corridor indicated by the receptionist in the meantime.

"Hey" Hannah greeted, standing beside the slightly shorter alpha, who appeared to be their little brother – Woojin never really had time to meet him. Lucas was making faces for the glass, which should be just as funny inside the room as it was being seen from outside.

"Shouldn't your parents be here?"

"My dad went to get something to eat, my mom is in there" Hannah tapped her finger on the glass, calling Woojin closer.

The open curtains gave a view of the room, a little less "sad" than Woojin recognized from the others he had already entered, in other wards. The walls had shades of cream, one or another pink or blue detail that was possibly there just for the comfort of not being confined to a sickly white space. Christopher's mother was sitting in a caramel armchair below the opposite window, closed, with the white mask hiding the smile that Woojin could only see through her eyes squeezed in the corners. He rested his hands on the glass window that separated the corridor from the room, almost relieved when he analyzed the omega and then the great focus of the anxiety of that day. A positive anxiety, unlike any other.

Christopher gently ran his fingertips over the baby's head against his chest, wrapped between the blanket and physical contact with his father. The omega, on the other hand, looked calm, despite the dark circles under his eyes strangely contrasting with his red cheeks. In peace, as during the past few months Woojin had come to realize that it was a difficult state of mind to achieve. Christopher's too pale skin still contrasted with the mixture of warm tones of the slightly premature newborn baby, which the little body rose and fell according to the breathing his father. It was strange to the alpha that only at a time like that he had the feeling that life was really beautiful, more than he had given credit to everyone who told him the same over the years.

"His name is Jeongin." Hannah rested her hand on the glass, trying not to mark her prints so much there.

"Can you hold it for me?"

Woojin caught the attention of the omega, removing the bag from his shoulders and extending it towards her, watching her curiously do what was asked. He pulled out a small bundle of white thread and a medium-sized notepad, which was where Taeyeon's notes and lists were usually done, separating a sheet at the end to write something with a ballpoint pen in a hurried way. Then he thanked her, taking his bag back, remaining under Hannah's gaze.

The alpha knocked on the glass, getting the attention of both who was beside him and who was inside the room. Despite being exhausted, Christopher smiled when he saw Woojin standing even at that distance, but his expression gradually molded itself with the same curiosity as Lucas and Hannah, being a little late taken by the omega's mother as soon as Woojin placed the note on the glass, opening the fingers of the opposite hand where white crochet shoes fit perfectly in his palm – and his airhead was slow to notice why Taeyeon's insisted that he take them everywhere that week. Christopher's even bigger smile left him satisfied and on the note, which would probably never be pulled out of the notepad, was the first thing actually said from father to son in which the omega just passed it on in a whisper to his baby.

_Welcome, Jeongin._

_**\-- ☾** **\--**_

_**❝** I thought that love was a kind of emptiness **❞**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, dear ones, this is the end. At least for a while. I hope you enjoyed it, enjoyed the journey, stopped to reflect on the moments when it was necessary. I'm genuinely grateful for the engagement and the comments, even if it was just a few. I'm happy with each one, as well as each kudo. 
> 
> See y'all next time :*


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